11.01.001

[Book IX, Act XI, Scene I. The Streets of Nostalgia. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, RED and PETE are here, on the back of the trike.]

Alice: What happened? Where did he go?

[9.2mph]

Alice: How do we stop this thing? We're all gonna diiiiiie!

11.01.002

Charlie: [Heroically tries to leap and roll off the trike] I shall save us, fear not!

11.01.003

[Too late! The trike hits a tiny rock and flips over, sending everyone crashing to the ground.]

11.01.004

Charlie: [Painfully drags herself to her feet] Oh, are the kittens all right?!

11.01.005

Alice: I don't know, but they've stolen our trike!

[The kittens charge off, with the trike still attached. Rather frustratingly, they are now moving much faster than before.]

11.01.006

Charlie: [Watching the kittens, wistfully] Poor little dears! If only we could keep them. . . .


;;; I think that's my three!

11.01.007

Austin : Just remember, a kiten is nit just for Christmas, you will have to feed it and clean it yourself!

11.01.008

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11.01.009

Alice: You're hardly going to eat a dirty kitten, are you? [Looks the naked Dur up and down] Ew! Of course you would! [Looks around] What happened to Joe?

11.01.010

Charlie: [Looks around, excited] He's gone? Did it work?! Oh, how wonderful!

11.01.011

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Red: How far did we go back? 3B=3B=3B Away=2C very hectic day :S --_6089ca59-65a4-4278-8666-a0c310d136e5_

11.01.011

Clint: If it did, we sort of stuck here! So this better be worth the hassle...

11.01.011

Austin : [Checking his hair in his pocket mirror] Time travel can wreak havoc with you hair! [Puts the mirror away with a snap] Right, we should try to establish what time and date it is.

11.01.012

Alice: The place looks exactly the same as it did before!

[She's right. Nostalgia does look exactly the same.]

11.01.013

Charlie: Well, we didn't intend to go too terribly far back in time, so perhaps we would not notice a visible difference. Let us find a newspaper!

11.01.014

Alice: [Picking up a conveniently discarded paper] Here we go. Oh! We're thirty years in the past -- and there was a robbery last night!

11.01.015

Charlie: [Excited] Oh, how interesting! [Takes the paper] Ooooh, and I see a pet lamb foiled another theft. How charming!

11.01.016

Austin : 30 years? Sarge, your clothing will be in fashion for once! [Smugs] So, what was stolen?

11.01.017

Last from Dom 116

Alice: It's not what was stolen, although that lamb does look cute, it's whowas involved. Look! It's Darius!=

11.01.018

Charlie: [Disapprovingly] Really, he is the worst sort of man, always getting into mischief! [Tries to read the article] What does it say?! What did he steal?

11.01.019

Austin : Curiouser and curiouser! Darius, hmm. Well we had better get investigating! [Checks his perfect nails]


;;; awa for xmas! back in Jan :)

;;; Have a great Christmas everyone!

11.01.020

Charlie: [To Alice, growing impatient] Oh, do give me the paper! I cannot read it over everyone else, and I am clearly the most literate of all of us.


;;; Safe travels and Merry Christmas to you and yours, Dom!

11.01.021

Alice: Hey! He didn't steal anything -- it was foiled by someone's pet lam-b.

11.01.022

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11.01.023

Alice: It wasn't a lamb, it was a lam-b.

11.01.024

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11.01.025

Clint: Does it say where Darius is now?

11.01.026

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Red: And who or what is Darius? --_5fe53085-faf7-45dc-be9a-79218ddb7fe1_

11.01.027

Alice: Either the most evil, manipulative man we've ever met, or one of the most good, manipulative men, we've ever met. We hate that guy. [Brightly] Although, his wedding was good fun!

11.01.028

Charlie: [Wrinkles her nose] Was it? [Muses] I wonder if we could find Darius? Though he is rarely any real help to us!

11.01.029

Austin: I seem to remember most of you got arrested at his wedding. [Straightens a cuff] Quite unseemly.

Pete: Forget that! Look! Over there -- it's my Mom!

[PETE points to a woman across the street, sitting the window of a cafe. This is HEIDI PLUUM.]

Alice: Really? That's your Mom?

11.01.030

Charlie: Is she some sort of [finger quotes] fancy woman?

11.01.031

Pete: Very fancy! She always wore nice clothes and things!

11.01.032

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11.01.032

Charlie: Indeed. Such a woman would likely know Darius, so let us approach her!

11.01.033

Pete: She died!

11.01.034

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0A=0A=

Red: In the now present of in future present? [Frowns deeply] This time traveling is already giving me a headache!=0A=

--_95f727a6-2e62-49a6-8205-049dc50f07b1_

11.01.034

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11.01.035

Alice: Dur! Don't be so digust- oh. Sorry, I just assumed you'd say something awful!

11.01.036

Charlie: I shall ask her if she knows Darius! [To Pete] You had better stay behind. Seeing you could be disappointing--I mean confusing--for her!

11.01.037

Clint: No, I'm pretty sure you meant disappointing, Sarge.

.........................................Your Email was confirmed the winner in Euro Raffle.

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11.01.038

Pete: What do you mean? She always said that I was the handsomest kitty wrangler she ever saw!

11.01.039

Charlie: [Quickly] I just mean that you might give away that she is not alive 30 years hence, which could be very upsetting to her.


;;; Out for a few hours!

11.01.040

Pete: Ah, yes, good point! I'll wait here!

11.01.041

Charlie: Splendid! We shall see if she knows Darius.

11.01.042

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11.01.043

Alice: Shouldn't we get Dur to put on some clothes first? He is still naked, after all! Austin, don't you have lots of clothes?

Austin: Yes, but only in the coarsest sense of the word. They are more finery, more objets d'art, not mere [finger quotes] clothing. Surely there is a carelessly discarded sack somewhere that Dur can wear?

11.01.044

Charlie: [Fishes out a couple of well-worn freebie conference tote bags from the International Society of Science and Stuff] Here, tie these together somehow, and we shall be on our way!

11.01.045

Clint: We should probably steal the man some real clothes as soon as we can, just on principle. You know, I'd rather go named than wear geek, that sort of thing.

11.01.046

Alice: I don't know, Stinky, it depends on what they'd name you!

[DUR fashions together a toga made from geek bags.]

11.01.047

Charlie: [Unconvincingly, to Dur] Wonderful! You've never looked better.

11.01.048

Clint: And you have lots and lots of space to store moldy sandwiches, too! [Looks around.] Right, let's go, guys!

11.01.049

[The party get to the door.]

Alice: What are we going to say to her?

11.01.050

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11.01.051

Alice: Doesn't the guy she's with just look like Charlie's dad?


;;; He does! Just like when he was younger:

11.01.052

Lastly from Conor #51

Clint: The plot thickens!


;;; On that note, out for the holidays! Hope everyone has a terrific

holiday season!

11.01.053

Charlie: [Gasps] My father would never consort with such a sordid type of woman!


;;; Merry Christmas, Tom!

11.01.054

Alice: And look! That -- that's MY father with them!

11.01.055

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Red: Do we hide or say hello? --_f6f9f4ff-2f21-4b7d-b220-43a80e8b1444_

11.01.056

Charlie: Say hello, and ask why he is disgracing my mother! [Heads over to Rud]

11.01.057

[RUDYARD turns to look up at the party.]

Rudyard: Hello?

11.01.058

Charlie: [Melts instantly] Oh, father! It is SO wonderful to see you again!

11.01.059

[RUDYARD is clearly very shocked.]

Austin: Well done, Charlie. Giving the whole thing away!

[JAKE "SIX DAGGERS" CHIN, a fearsome looking pirate who's sitting with the others stands up and draws his sword.]

Jake: Avast, ye swab! Belay that talk to the lady!

Austin: [Turns to Jake] Daddy?


;;; And there we will break until Jan 5th -- have a great Christmas, everyone!

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11.01.069

Clint: [To Sno] . So there's good news and bad news...

11.01.068

Rudyard: Isn't it all a bit unlikely that both your fathers are here? I mean, next think you'll be saying that Sno is one your fathers!

Alice: Please don't tell me that you have a friend called Sno TiRag!

Rudyard: I wouldn't exactly call him a friend...

11.01.066

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11.01.070

Charlie: [Amazed] Our fathers knew one another?! What are the odds of that?!

11.01.060

Alice: Can people just stop meeting their fathers for one minute?

11.01.067

Austin : [Snaps out of the sentimental glaze] You are our fathers, although we have just travelled back in time thirty years, so you might not be our fathers yet. [Looks worried] I hope we are not a disappointment! [Straightens his cuff]

11.01.061

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11.01.063

Austin : [Still very surprised, looks a bit teary] Daddy!

11.01.062

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Red: Then it counts double! --_2a421bc1-9b6f-4d12-942e-ffc70c51507d_

11.01.064

Charlie: Oh, father! It is so wonderful to see you looking so [vaguely] lively! Can we help you with whatever thrilling mission you are in the midst of just now??

11.01.071


;;; Sno isn't here!

Rudyard: I don't know, we'd probably have to ask Long that -- he's a real smart guy.

11.01.065

Jake: Arr! Belay that familial talk, ye swab! I be not yer Daddy, although, I must admit, [doffs his very fine hat] ye do have a fine taste in clothes!

Rudyard: [To Charlie] Father? [Looks alarmed] Wait... who are you?

11.01.072

Austin : Long? I wonder if he is any relation to the Short family? [Chuckles]

11.01.073

Clint: [Tersely] . No.

11.01.074

Charlie: [To Clint, excited] A relation of yours?!

11.01.075

Clint: [Clearly lying.] Uhh... No, not at all! But Long Short would be a ridiculous name! Yeah, that's it!

11.01.076

Alice: Reeeeeally?

11.01.077

Clint: Really! He was a miserable jackass and most certainly not my father!

11.01.078

Austin : The main point of lying is that it should be believable, Mr Scar, not some emotionally fraught confession!

11.01.079

Alice: The next thing, Stinky, is that you'll be telling us is that Daddy issues are behind your slutty behaviour and inappropriately short dresses!

11.01.080

Clint: I thought that went without saying!

11.01.081

Austin : You two could share wardrobes! [Chuckles]

11.01.082

Alice: Hey! I don't have any Daddy issues!

[ALICE gives a start as someone slaps her ass. Enter ALDWYN BASSETT-SHORT, a military man in his late twenties, with a very generous moustache.]

Aldwyn: Ah! I always did like a nice plump rear, what!

11.01.082

Charlie: [Gazes sadly at Alice and Clint] I, on the other hand, have a wonderfully well-adjusted relationship with MY father. [Gestures to her clothes] Notice my modest and appropriate attire?

11.01.083

Austin : [Laughs] You are such a wheeze Charlie! [Giggles] Modest and appriopriate. [Sighs] That's a good one!

11.01.084

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11.01.085

Rudyard: Hang on a second! If you people really are our offspring, don't tell us what's going to happen! I mean, imagine if Charlie's choice of mate was really poor --

Alice: Like if he killed you or something?

Rudyard: [Laughs] Exactly! Then, if I had that information, I might act differently.

11.01.086

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11.01.086

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Red: [Blurts out] No! I mean=2C don't you know the "back to the past" books? It always ends wrong!

--_4a918766-5eba-436c-a051-ef3bbb08bfd4_

11.01.087

Charlie: One cannot know, so we must be careful about revealing such information! [To Rud, forcing a laugh] Luckily, this is all just a sorority/fraternity prank, and nothing that serious!


;;; Out for a couple of hours!

11.01.088

[Enter JOAN MCDANIEL, a formidable looking lady.]

Joan: [Holding a hand up] Stop this talk immediately! If there is any truth to what they say then we need to focus on the present -- or past, depending on your point of view -- and not the future. It is, as this [gestures to Red] strangely familiar young man says, all about the past.

11.01.089

Clint: Right. Focusing on the present, we have a long trip ahead of us. [To the group] Let's get out of her before someone becomes her own mother or something!

11.01.089

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Red: [Panicks=2C points left] Look over there! [Runs right] --_84e320f9-7027-40d2-bd27-cbbb64f6a646_

11.01.090

[RED immediately trips over something on the floor. This is SNO' TIRAG, the filthiest man -- company included -- that anyone has ever seen,]

Sno: [Leaping to his feet] Sorry about that, mate. I thought I found a piece of ham.

11.01.091

Clint: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! [Grabs Dur's shoulder.] That's just a saying, Doc. There is no actual apple.

11.01.091

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Red: [Panic intensifies=2C stands back up] Wait=2C I think it's back [points to the same spot as before] [whispers=2C anything but casual or softly] I= think we should go! [Tries to run again=2C more frantically than before] =

--_b9fadaaf-5efd-47e4-86d6-de8ba5e9023b_

11.01.092

Joan: Easy there, young fella -- no sense in losing our heads, is there? Let's figure out what's going on and the chips may lay where they fall.

Sno: Chips? There are chips?

11.01.093

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11.01.093

Austin : [Edging carefully away from Sno, (as if SNo is a UXB), so that the rest of the party are between them] The chips are a very long way from here, but there is a train leaving to the chips soon, the train is just on the south side of town [Points a the door hoping Sno will leave]


;;; awa hame

11.01.094

Aldwyn: Good question, foul fellow! I often wonder that myself, what! He scares away the fillies all the time! Even the [looks Charlie up and down] buttoned down types, woof!

11.01.095

Clint: Our buttoned down type seems to find this sort of person particularly useful for menial labor at cut-rate prices. Just a thought!

11.01.096

Aldwyn: Good show, what! As long as it isn't anything that involves them touching food, I'm all in favour of it!

11.01.097

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11.01.098

Charlie: [Standing between Aldwyn and Dur] Oh no, you don't! He is MY servant and pet!

11.01.099

Joan: Can we please stop arguing about the help? Surely the chances of all of our offspring being together and travelling back in time to this precise moment are astronomical? What on earth is going on?

11.01.100

Clint: [Excitedly] I bet it's one of those vision quest sorts of things and none of this is even really happening.

11.01.101

Austin : No Mr Scar, you appear to be quite sober and unfortunately real.

11.01.102

[Enter LONG SCAR, a cheerful looking man carrying a bunch of books, who's all smiles.]

Long: Hi, folks, what's going on here? [Looks around the party] Wow. It's like a more attractive version of OUR party! [Looks at Austin] Wow! That is a NICE suit, my friend!

11.01.103

Charlie: [Excited] Oooh, how wonderful! Are you doing some research? [Eagerly] Can I help?!

11.01.104

Long: Only if you're really great at reading dusty books and finding stuff in the library! But first, I have sandwiches for everyone! [To Dur] You sure look like you could do with a good meal or three.

11.01.105

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11.01.106

Charlie: [Way too excited] I am! I am! What are we researching?!

11.01.108

Austin : [Still checking out his fine suit. To Long] Why thank you. [Sighs in pleasure at his suit. To Rudyard] We travelled back in time to save the Realms. The Realms are being transported to an other dimension in our time, and there is so little left we had to travel back in time, you see. It is an odd coincidence, if it is indeed a coincidence, that we are all here.

11.01.109

Clint: [Studiously ignoring his father] There's no way it's a coincidence. That would be too weird, even for us. I hope Phili isn't messing with us again!

11.01.107

Rudyard: [Laughs] Before we get too carried away, don't we want to figure out why our kids are all here?

11.01.110

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Red: [Calming down] How far did we plan on going back? The chance that we all meet up like this=2C it's impossible to randomly happen! =

--_75f18556-1e06-43ee-8aab-288f5d0e8966_

11.01.111

Clint: Disappointed, huh? [To Red] We'll think of something. Maybe we can just pack one of the time machines up for our trip or something?

11.01.112

Joan: The question is really who... or what... is responsible for this incredible coincidence?

11.01.113

Austin : [Looks round] Darius?

11.01.114

Aldwyn: By the saints! I should have known that bounder would be behind it! Are you familiar with his underhanded ways?

11.01.115

Charlie: [Wearily] All too well! Have you seen him? [In a low voice] And have you heard anything about a robbery being foiled by a pet lamb?

11.01.116

Jake: Avast ye landlubber! That was no lamb -- it were a sheep!

11.01.117

Austin : In law, I don't think it makes any difference. I expect that Mr Scar will no the details.

11.01.118

Joan: Actually, it's Professor Scar.

Long: Oh, that's okay, he wasn't to know. I would guess the animal was nearly a year old, so it was a close run thing, [reassuringly] it was a particularly vicious lamb, though.

Sno: And smart. That's one smart lamb. And tasty, too. Tasted a bit like mutton.

11.01.119

Charlie: [Horrified] You ate a HERO lamb?!


;;; Out for a couple of hours!

11.01.120

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzExOQ0KDQo+Q2hhcmxpZTogW0hvcnJpZmllZF0gWW91IGF0ZSBh IEhFUk8gbGFtYj8hDQoNCkR1cjogW05vdCBob3JyaWZpZWRdIERvZXMgdGhhdCBzdXJwcmlzZSB5 b3U/DQo

11.01.121

Austin : [To Joan] I meant Mr Scar, [Points at Clint] Mr Clint Scar.

11.01.122

Sno: [Indignantly to Charlie] Just one leg! I mean, a hero lamb like that, it would be a shame to eat it all in one go! [To Dur] But delicious!

Aldwyn: [Gives Clint a friendly punch on the shoulder] Hah! I knew this one had the look of a sheep shagger!

11.01.123

Clint: And the boot of a professional door kicker. [Flexes his door-kicking foot ominously.]

11.01.124

Long: Good for you, son! Now, how about we put that boot to good use in Darius' room?

11.01.125

Clint: [Exasperated.] There we go again with the "Clint do this" and "Clint do that" crap! I'll decide who's door I'm going to go kick down, thank you! [To the party.] . Now let's go kick down Darius' door!

11.01.126

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Red: You guys really don't like doors=2C do you? --_fa444119-7df6-4790-8361-fd7ca31f63e7_

11.01.127

Alice: That depends on who's behind them!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

11.02.001

[Book IX, Act XI, Scene II. Outside Door 666. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, RED, ALDWYN, JAKE, RUDYARD, LONG, SNO and JOAN are here, crammed into a tiny corridor.]

Alice: Is this it?

Aldwyn: By the saints, it better be! I'm exhausted after walking up all those damned stairs!

11.02.002

Austin : [To Alice] You could knock on the door and find out?

11.02.003

Charlie: [Strides up to the door] I shall do any knocking, naturally! [Primly raps on the door]

11.02.004

On 12 January 2015

Rudyard: [Proudly] That's my girl!

[No answer.]

Jake: Avast! Belay this knockin'!

11.02.005

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM0DQoNCj5SdWR5YXJkOiBbUHJvdWRseV0gVGhhdCdzIG15IGdpcmwh DQo+DQo+ICAgIFtObyBhbnN3ZXIuXQ0KPg0KPkpha2U6IEF2YXN0ISBCZWxheSB0aGlzIGtub2Nr aW4nIQ0KDQpEdXI6IFNvb29vLi4uLiBEbyB3ZSBicmVhayBpbiBub3c/DQo

11.02.006

Austin : One thing first [Carefully tries the door handle to see if it is unlocked]

11.02.007

[AUSTIN very gently turns the handle, but it is, indeed, locked.]

Long: Looks like this is Clint's big opportunity! He'll be great!

Joan: You must be very proud.

11.02.008

Austin : [To Clint] make it so, Mr Scar [Gestures at the door, with a look of dissaproval]

11.02.009

Charlie: [Nods to Clint] We await the destructive delights of your foot, Mr. Scar!


;;; Out for the rest of the day! Be kind to

;;; Charlie!

11.02.010

Clint: [With great relish, flexes his door-kicking foot a couple of times and then doors what he does best.] Haw!

11.02.011

[The door smashes in.]

Long: That's my boy!

11.02.012

Clint: Oh sure, take the fun out of this, too!

11.02.013

Alice: Yeesh, Stinky! He seems like a really nice guy to me!

[LONG flashes her a devastating smile.]

Alice: A real nice guy!

11.02.014

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Red: [Firmly] Alice=2C no. [Looks around the room.] --_1038a34e-a011-4899-817a-128b8e13f6ab_

11.02.015

Clint: Yeah. Appearances can be deceiving! [To Alice] I mean, you seem like the kind of person who wouldn't... [reconsiders quickly] uh... be good at maths!


;;; Pluralizing math makes me feel dirty on the inside, but one wants

to blend in.

;;; I'm having problems sending, so hopefully this doesn't get sent

like three times!

11.02.016

Austin : [Looks from Long to Alice] This is all a little creepy. Can we get on with saving the world?


;;; Just avoid pluralising Lego, and we'll all be just fine :)

11.02.017

Aldwyn: [To Long] Oh, have it man! She's a very attractive girl -- if you don't, I will! [Thinks] Which one is my daughter?

11.02.018

Charlie: [Quickly] Think of all of us as your daughters, please!

11.02.019

Aldwyn: [To Alice] Even you?

Alice: Especially me!

11.02.020

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxOQ0KDQo+QWxkd3luOiBbVG8gQWxpY2VdIEV2ZW4geW91Pw0KPg0K PkFsaWNlOiBFc3BlY2lhbGx5IG1lIQ0KDQpEdXI6IEkgZG9uJ3QgdGhpbmsgSSBsaWtlIGJlaW5n IHRob3VnaHQgb2YgYXMgYSBnaXJsLg0K

11.02.021

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Red: You were fine as a unicorn=2C I think you can handle this. [Tries to do an uninterested hairflip] =

--_d1573bcb-e004-4a8a-905d-a2d23eebb5c2_

11.02.021

Clint: And not just any girl, but a dirty, dirty girl at that!

11.02.022

Sno: I like being a girl. People buy you food and give you presents all the time. You hardly ever have to do anything too awful for them.

11.02.023

Austin : What awful things have you had to do?

11.02.024

Sno: Once I had to let one of them spray me with water.

11.02.025

Charlie: [Disapproving] Really, that is the sort of thing that should stay between you and your therapist.

11.02.026

Sno: That's what he was! He even had a card with it -- although, he pronounced it differently.

11.02.027

Charlie: Yes, well, don't you think Dur has enough problems coping in life without learning these disturbing truths about his father?!


;;; Now I want to watch Arrested Development!

11.02.028

Clint: I think you meant his mother! Anyway, let's see if we can find Darius.

11.02.029

Austin : Good idea, after you [gestures for Clint to go into the room first] Age before beauty.

11.02.030

Alice: Are we sure this is his room? [Peers into a drawer which is full of flouncy underwear] Looks like it is!


;;; As all but Red are aware, due to a weird incident involving

Pestilence and a monastery at Ixi,

;;; Darius forgot underpants and never wears any.

11.02.031

Charlie: [Skeptically] How can you be so sure? The last we heard, and I do regret knowing this very deeply, Darius prefers not to wear underwear at all!

11.02.032

Alice: I think he didn't like to wear underPANTS.

Sno: Who does!

Alice: Er, the point is, this probably is his room!

11.02.033

Austin : [Looks around, searching for 'clues'] Since we are here we shold at least take a good look.

11.02.034

Alice: He does seem to have a suspiciously large number of what appear to be treasure chests, doesn't he?

11.02.035

Austin : [Smiles] Yes. Yes he does [Tries to check the contents of the chests]

11.02.036

[Slowly AUSTIN works on the lock, expertly checking it for traps.]

Jake: [Looking over his shoulder] Arr! That be some fine work, me lad!

[Satisfied it's safe, AUSTIN prises it open slowly... out pops NORAH THE SHEEP, a surprisingly well dressed and made up looking sheep.]

Norah: Baa!

11.02.037

Austin : [Steps back swiftly, a little puzzled] Ah, not the treasure I was looking for [Tries another chest]

11.02.038

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMzNw0KDQo+QXVzdGluIDogW1N0ZXBzIGJhY2sgc3dpZnRseSwgYSBs aXR0bGUgcHV6emxlZF0gQWgsIG5vdCB0aGUgdHJlYXN1cmUgSSB3YXMgbG9va2luZyBmb3IgW1Ry aWVzIGFub3RoZXIgY2hlc3RdDQoNCkR1cjogSXMgdGhpcyBhbm90aGVyIGhlcm8gc2hlZXAgb3Ig Y2FuIHdlIGNvb2sgYW5kIGVhdCB0aGlzIG9uZT8NCg

11.02.039

Sno: Are the two mutually exclusive?

[Another chest, another sheep.]

Sheep: Baa!

Alice: What the hell?

11.02.040

Austin : [Tries to open all the chests] Where the hell is the treasure! I hate treasure chests with no treasure [Frowns] What kind of pervert keeps sheep in chests?

11.02.041

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjNDANCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFtUcmllcyB0byBvcGVuIGFsbCB0aGUgY2hl c3RzXSBXaGVyZSB0aGUgaGVsbCBpcyB0aGUgdHJlYXN1cmUhIEkgaGF0ZSB0cmVhc3VyZSBjaGVz dHMgd2l0aCBubyB0cmVhc3VyZSBbRnJvd25zXSBXaGF0IGtpbmQgb2YgcGVydmVydCBrZWVwcyBz aGVlcCBpbiBjaGVzdHM/DQoNCkR1cjogWW91IGtub3cgd2hhdCB0aGV5IHNheSBhYm91dCBvbmUg bWFuJ3MgdHJlYXN1cmUgc3VyZWx5PyEgT25lIG1hbidzIHRyZWFzdXJlIGlzIGFub3RoZXIgbWFu J3MgbWVhbCEgT3Igc29tZSBzdWNoIHRoaW5nLiBMZXQncyBFYXQhDQo

11.02.042

Austin : [Looks disgusted at the suggestion. You do realise that these sheep may have been ... abused?

11.02.040

Charlie: [Alarmed] Who would keep livestock in such a confined space?! How cruel.

11.02.041

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Red: It seems the term stockpile is in order=2C maybe even livestockpile =

--_139f16d7-1fec-403b-9e12-3e0940764ae3_

11.02.043

[There are now at least fifteen sheep in the room, making quite a lot of noise. There's a KNOCK on the door.]

Alice: Everyone be quiet! They might go away!

Sheep: [In unison] Baaaa!

11.02.044

Charlie: [Tries to put her hand over the nearest sheep's mouth] Do be quiet! It might be your cruel master!

11.02.045

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Red: I have a baaaaaad feeling about this. [Tries to silance two nearby sheep.] =

--_f92ab6b7-af0f-4266-b0db-9dad21dc1d7d_

11.02.046

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Clint: [Looks around for a place to hide.] Forget the silence of the lambs, here! Let's find a place to get out of sight! I, uh, am NOT taking under the bed!


;;; Sorry all. Woke up several times in the middle of the night feeling

rather ill so slept in once I finally got to sleep!

--------------030407090600070901050003

11.02.047

Austin : [Matter of factly] Why don't we let the sheep go out first, that's what I usual do.


;;;; hope you are betterer!

11.02.048

Alice: Or how about in the chests? Once you push all the sheep shit to the side there's plenty of space!

11.02.049

Austin : I expect that would be against the hotels health ans safety regulations. And very, very unhygienic. [Looks around for a closet] Perhaps I could hide in the closet.

::: :)

11.02.050

Alice: Again?

[Another knock on the door.]


;;; : D Ahem!

11.02.051

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Red: Hold please! [Walks to the door.] --_90ccc091-03e3-4ce8-ba87-73fb65248346_

11.02.052

[A BANG on the door. A voice calls out.]

Voice: Police! Open up!

Alice: Nice going, Red! Now he knows we're in here! [Thinks] Or is he looking for the police? Tell him we're not the police!

11.02.053

Charlie: [Wails] Will there ever be a place in time where I do NOT have an arrest record?! [Looks around for windows to exit through]

11.02.054

[There is a tiny window, small enough for the slimmest party member to squeeze through, but the room is on the sixth floor.]

Alice: I bet I could squeeze through that window!

[Everyone laughs.]

Alice: Hey!

11.02.055

Clint: Right, new plan - we let them and sic the sheep on 'em!


;;; Am feeling much better, thanks!

11.02.056

Austin : [To Clint] You could kick a hole in the wall through to the next room?

11.02.057

Joan: Why don't we just open the door and explain that there's nothing suspicious about there being twelve people and sixteen sheep all crammed into one room? Hm, I see.

[Someone is trying to break down the door.]

11.02.058

Clint: Worth a try, lawyer. [Winds up and give the wall the boot.]

11.02.059

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11.02.059

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Red: I'll buy us some time. [Starts pointing all sheep to the door.] Once they get in=2C or we move out=2C we can start a stampede. =

--_69320a26-aac1-46dd-8950-77b1efcf2c4b_

11.02.060

Alice: I don't know, Dur. We have the numbers, but one of us is you, and one is your Dad, so...

[CLINT kicks the wall, but it is disappointingly solid.]

Long: Unlucky son, but a good attempt. A fine attempt.

Sno: [To Red] Stampede? You mean like horses? Hey! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Charlie: [Looks Sno up and down] I hope no one is thinking what you're thinking!

11.02.061

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11.02.062

Sno: Ah, your mother was definitely a gourmet scavenger!

11.02.063

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11.02.064

Alice: I'm confused, [looks at the sheep] which one is his mother?

[The door splits -- it'll be in pieces any second. RED has succeeded in getting the sheep close to the door, but they aren't particularly well ordered.]

11.02.065

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM2NA0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IEknbSBjb25mdXNlZCwgW2xvb2tzIGF0IHRo ZSBzaGVlcF0gd2hpY2ggb25lIGlzIGhpcyBtb3RoZXI/DQo+DQo+ICAgICAgW1RoZSBkb29yIHNw bGl0cyAtLSBpdCdsbCBiZSBpbiBwaWVjZXMgYW55IHNlY29uZC4gUkVEIGhhcyBzdWNjZWVkZWQg aW4gZ2V0dGluZyB0aGUgc2hlZXAgY2xvc2UgdG8gdGhlIGRvb3IsIGJ1dCB0aGV5IGFyZW4ndCBw YXJ0aWN1bGFybHkgd2VsbCBvcmRlcmVkLl0NCg0KRHVyOiBXZSBuZWVkIGEgd2F5IHRvIG1ha2Ug dGhlc2Ugc2hlZXAgcGFuaWMgYW5kIGZhc3QhDQo

11.02.066

Alice: I never thought I'd say this but... Clint, get your pants off, fast!

11.02.067

Charlie: [Panicking] Don't you dare, Mr. Scar! We can rile the sheep by making rude political commentary!

11.02.068

Austin : [Looks concerned at Charlie's comment] You sound as if you have extensive experience in this matter.


;;;afk

11.02.069

Clint: Well, it's not like Sarge doesn't have lots of experience riling everyone. But for these sheep, I think we may need the sound of a zipper! [Smacks the nearest sheep upside the... side to try to startle it.]

11.02.070

Charlie: [Appalled] The poor little dear! Hasn't it suffered enough?

11.02.071

Clint: It's a sheep, not a deer, Sarge.

11.02.072

[The door opens. Enter ABEL SMITH, a policeman with a long beard.]

Abel: Peace be upon all in this room... and you're all under arrest.

[ABEL is immediately trampled by some of the sheep charging out.]

11.02.073

Austin : [Stepping over Abel if he can] Seems like a nice chap. Not like those horrid HARMA types.

11.02.074

Charlie: Indeed, I enjoyed his message of peace! [Follow Austin and steps over Abel] Come, group! Let us take advantage of this sheep-nado!

11.02.075

Alice: Look! There are a whole bunch more beards outside!

[She's right. There are a large number of similarly bearded cops outside.]

11.02.076

Austin : [To the cops] Ahh, the rescue party! Did you catch the them man who kidnapped us?

11.02.077

Abel: Arrest them all, brothers -- but be gentle!

11.02.078

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Red: [Appears from behind some sheep with a sheep wool beard] No need for that my brothers=2C these heroes tracked down some sheep that where about to= be illegally exported. And look at the transport conditions! You should thank them! =

--_13446a31-a701-42b0-80f3-5777064a8304_

11.02.078

Austin : What! But we are the victims! We have not committed any crimes!

11.02.079

Charlie: Indeed, you cannot arrest us without cause!

11.02.080

Abel: Unlawful imprisonment of sheep is a crime! As is [looks at Red] whatever he's doing to that poor sheep!

Aldwyn: I'll be damned if I have another sheep related crime on my record! [Leaps onto one of the sheep like it's a tiny horse] Let's ride!

11.02.081

Charlie: Do be serious! We are trying to liberate these poor sheep!

11.02.082

Rudyard: But who's going to liberate us? Sure, these strange men with beards look harmless, but one day you're sitting on their knee telling them what present you want for Phillimas, and the next some drunken fat guy has puked into your stocking -- while you're wearing it!

11.02.083

Charlie: [Hopefully] They claim to be peace-loving, so perhaps they are poor fighters! We shall resist arrest and hope for the best!

11.02.084

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzgzDQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbSG9wZWZ1bGx5XSBUaGV5IGNsYWlt IHRvIGJlIHBlYWNlLWxvdmluZywgc28gcGVyaGFwcyB0aGV5IGFyZSBwb29yIGZpZ2h0ZXJzISAg V2Ugc2hhbGwgcmVzaXN0IGFycmVzdCBhbmQgaG9wZSBmb3IgdGhlIGJlc3QhDQoNCkR1cjogQXd3 d3chIEJ1dCB3ZSBhbHdheXMgZG8gWU9VUiBwbGFuLiBJIHNheSB3ZSBnaXZlIHNoZWVwIHJpZGlu ZyBhIGNoYW5jZSEgW1RyaWVzIHRvIGhvcCBvbiBhIG5lYXJieSBzaGVlcF0NCg

11.02.085

Austin : We could try all of these plans, however, I would advise against violence.

11.02.086

Alice: Don't be such a girl, Aus! We'll easily beat the sheep out of these guys! [Suddenly gets the hook of a shepherd's crook caught in her nose] Erk! Ow! Help! Help!

11.02.087

Charlie: [Gasps and tries to punch the shepherd] Unhook her, you brute!

11.02.088

Abel: Please, Sister, becalm yourself.

[Pop! CHARLIE punches him smack in the beard.]

Abel: Bless your strong punch, you goddamned bitch! [Swings his crook, barely missing Charlie, as the other cops pile in, punching and hooking.]

11.02.089

Clint: So much for nonviolence! [Barrels recklessly into the group of cops attacking Charlie, trying to knocking them away from her and give her room to mount up and escape.]

11.02.090

Austin : [Exasperated] Violence is the problem, not the solution!

11.02.091

Abel: I hear and appreciate your message of peace, brother, but you are a sheep interferer, so I need to kill you. [Swings his surprisingly sharp crook directly at Austin]

Jake: [Stepping in front of Austin and punching Abel in the face] Avast ye swab! No son of mine would ever be a sheep interferer!

Aldwyn: Certainly not with such ugly sheep, what! [Rides down the stairs] Follow me troop! A quick step in the dining room and the bar, and then on to freedom!

11.02.092

Charlie: [Tries to fight her way to the dining room to join Aldwyn] Splendid idea, sir!

11.02.093

Aldwyn: I'm proud to have you as my daughter, girl!

11.02.092

Austin : [Tries to follow Aldwyn] I don't even like sheep! And they are all ugly!

11.02.094

Austin : [Tries to follow Aldwyn, parrying blows with his dagger] I don't even like sheep! Vile creatures!

11.02.095

[The party, all now on sheepback, race through the restaurant, loading down on food.]

Abel: Stop them! Don't let them take the sheep!

11.02.096

Charlie: [To her steed] Do hurry those woolly little legs! We shall take you to safety!

11.02.097

[A huge policeman, GRIDHA, stands in front of the door.]

Gridha: You can leave with the stolen snacks, and you can leave with the stolen whisky... you can even leave with the lamps and fruity soaps stolen from the room, but you will NOT leave with our sheep!

11.02.098

Austin : We accept your conditions! [Dismounts his sheep and tries to get past Gridha and out of the door] How did you know I had the fruity soaps?

11.02.099

Charlie: [To Austin, helpfully] He probably meant it figuratively, as a slur against your manhood! [To Gridha] Did you?

11.02.100

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11.02.101

Sno: [With bubbles coming out of his mouth] A man's got to eat, doesn't he?

Gridha: They always go for the fruity soaps!

Rudyard: [Skillfully dismounting his sheep and leaping to a window] This way! We can avoid that unwashed hairy brute.

Sno: Hey!

Rudyard: No, not you!

11.02.102

Charlie: [Sighs happily] Oh, father! You are SO dashing! [Dismounts her sheep and follows Rud] Come along, group! We can do no more for these poor creatures now!

11.02.103

Joan: Agreed! Let's find somewhere to hide out for a while and figure out what on earth is going on.

11.02.104

Clint: [Dismounts from his sheep.] Okay, but I hope we don't screw with history too much while we wait!

11.02.105

Charlie: Indeed, we must be very careful in what we say [looks pointedly at Alice] and how we behave [looks pointedly at Clint and Dur and then back to Alice again] .

11.02.106

Austin : I think we have already screwed up history, well and trully. [Laughs] So nothing to loose!

11.02.107

Joan: That's precisely the sort of talk that leads to people being killed by their drunken father.

11.02.108

Austin : I meant 'we', as in the human race. 'Us', as in the Queens View party, came back to this time to fix history, hence there is nothing to loose, as it is already screwed up!

11.02.109

Clint: [Helpfully] I thought we came back to steal a blimp?

11.02.110

Austin : Yes, thank you Mr Scar, but that is just a tiny part of our plan to save the Realms from the Reveals! [Tries to escape dashingly]


;;;; awa hame

11.02.111

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Red: [Crawls to the window disguised as a sheep] 3B=3B=3B Yesterday was crazy=2C sorry I didn't post! --_7cc6950a-034a-45ec-9250-8d4cd4153874_

11.02.112

Gridha: [Grabs Red] Easy, my pretty one! We have you now.. [smiles to himself] oh, we have you now.

[The others make it out with various levels of dashingness.]

Joan: My boy is still in there!

Jake: Avast! Let the swab behind!

11.02.113

Charlie: [Aghast] We leave no one behind! He isn't a mere sheep, for Phili's sake!

11.02.114

Austin : He might be by now!

11.02.115

Alice: At least Gridha seems like a gentle sort.

Rudyard: Let's get the idiot back.

Joan: That's my son!

Rudyard: Let's get her idiot son back.

11.02.116

Charlie: [Beams at Rud] Naturally, the Parker-Kensingtons always take the path of heroism! [Goes back to help Red]

11.02.117

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Red: I might not be a sheep=2C but I'm also [whispers] hopefully [/whispers] not captured! [Attempts to cast a spell.] =

--_92b997dd-1d61-479a-a3cd-5b1d6eb66254_

11.02.118

Austin : What do you mean, you 'might not be a sheep'? This is no time for an identity crisis!

11.02.119

Rudyard: I don't care if he is a sheep or not, or even if he's an idiot, he's coming with us!

[GRIDHA grabs onto RED, only for RED to slip easily away and out of his disguise, before clambering out the window and out to the party.]

11.02.119

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11.02.120

Sno: [Holding a knife and fork] Quiet, son! There'll be plenty of time for talk later. Now, where's this sheep we're going to eat?

11.02.121

Charlie: We are escaping, not eating! We can eat later, now hurry! [Claps hands] Chop chop!!

11.02.122

Clint: [Helpfully] She means "quickly" and not "start chopping up that sheep."


;;; Accidentally sent to just Heather, who hopefully doesn't mind the spam!

11.02.123

Sno: Aw man!

Long: That's super helpful, Clint, thanks!

Jake: I know of a place -- a lonely hotel out in the middle of nowhere, beloved of drifters and psychopaths. We could hide out there.

11.02.124

Clint: Haw! Sounds like my kind of place! Let's do it!

11.02.125

Charlie: [Excited] Oh, how interesting! How many psychopaths? Would there be enough to form a valid sample size for a study?!

11.02.126

Joan: [Looks around the party] Ten, give or take a psychopath or two.

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11.02.130

Joan: Do stop wittering on about psychopaths. My fear is that we are about to be led into a trap by Darius.

11.02.129

Charlie: [To Joan] Excellent point! Local psychopaths are bound to have had some dealings with Darius!

11.02.131

Charlie: [To Joan, with a sniff] Excuse me for relishing my scientific zeal! [Frowns] Do you really think this could be a trap? Why would Darius assume we would immediately go to such a dreadful place?

11.02.128

Alice: Throw in a few sleeping pills and it'll be just like my twenty first!

Joan: What about Darius?

Alice: I don't know if he was there or not, I don't remember anything!

11.02.132

Austin : [Chuckles to himself] Because we are sheep. [Laughs] Completely predictable!

11.02.127

Austin : We have whisky, various cakes, and ten or so psychopaths and Alice, sounds like a party to me!

11.02.133

Joan: And who do you think put the sheep in the room in the first place? Or told the police that we were there?

11.02.134

Charlie: [Irked] Oh, he IS a wretch! [To the group] Have any you you and idea how to find Darius? We should surprise him, instead!

11.02.135

Alice: Maybe he's disguised as one of us? [Looks at Sno] Is it you?

Sno: If the answer is yes do I get some food?

11.02.136

Clint: Could he maybe have been careless enough to use homing sheep?

11.02.137

Long: Good point, Clint, good point! We should make sure that none of us are sheep!

11.02.138

Austin : Will that take long? I am certain that none of us are sheep, biologically speaking at least. Testing the metaphorical sense of the expression could take some time and lead to pointless, never ending, ongoing, drawn out, time consuming philosopical discussion about the nature of the self, and self determination.

11.02.139

Alice: I agree!

Aldwyn: [Holds up a bottle of whisky] Right! To the creepy psycho hotel!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

11.02.139

Charlie: [Excited] Oh, should think that would be time very well-spent, indeed! [Holds her hand up eagerly] I shall draw up the examination questions!

11.03.001

[Book X, Act XII, Scene III. The Overlook Hotel. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, RED, ALDWYN, JAKE, RUDYARD, LONG, SNO' and JOAN are here, looking up at a scary looking hotel that is suddenly lit up by a timely flash of lightning.]

Alice: Psychoey enough for you?

Sno: Doesn't bother me -- psychos have got to eat too!

11.03.002

Austin : Depends if you are the psycho-er or the psycho-ee [Looks grimly at the hotel]


;;; very busy today

11.03.003

Alice: Can't we be both?

11.03.004

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0A=0A= 0ALast from Conor #3

Red: That depends=2C are we internally psycho-ers as a party or to others? [Glances over everybody to assess the danger.] =0A=

--_44127aca-e679-4bb8-9084-7ce505f3e675_

11.03.005

Austin : [To Alice] That's the spirit! [Wide eyed, but standing straight and looking very formal] This is going to be one crazy party.

11.03.006

Alice: I thought this already was a crazy party?

11.03.007

Charlie: Or perhaps a trap! Let us see if we can find a back way inside, so that we may assess the situation.

11.03.008

Alice: I'm great at finding back ways inside!

[The party make their way around the perimeter of the house and spot what appears to be the back door. So far, no sign of life.]

11.03.009

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11.03.010

Alice: Not too quickly, though, it'll raise an alarm. Maybe just send a small exploratory group in for the initial penetration?

11.03.011

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11.03.012

Charlie: [To Austin] Mr. Sleaze, you are our expert on such matters. How would you penetrate the back entrance?


;;; Keepin' it klassy!

11.03.013

Clint: [Clearly pleased with his sophistication and wit.] With his penis, obviously, amirite?

11.03.014

Long: [Laughs] Good one, Clint!

Alice: Oh, Stinky. Always the master of the single entendre.

11.03.015

Clint: Might as well play to your strengths, right? Speaking of which... [Eyes the back door and flexes his door-kicking foot.]

11.03.016

Long: That's a great idea, Clint -- although, you know, maybe we should considering knocking first? We have no reason to think ill of these people, after all, do we?


;;; We're taking Drew off the list as he's on an extended break, so please

;;; make sure he's not copied on mails from now on.

11.03.017

Clint: That's right, take all the fun out of this, why don't you? [Tries the door.]

11.03.018

Long: [To the party] He's just a little tired, that's all. A bit cranky.

Alice: He must be tired all the time then!

[The door is locked, but a tiny panel opens and man looks out. This is STANLEY KING.]

Stanley: Welcome to the Overlook Inn... [gives a sinister smile] where we aim to please...

<A href=http://www.queens-view.com/wiki/index.php/Stanley_King>Stanley King</A>

11.03.018

Charlie: [Taken aback] Do you?! [Composes herself] I mean, you sure do! Are you the owner of this [unconvincingly] charming establishment?

11.03.019

Stanley: Uh... sure, sure I am. Say, do you guys have any organ meat?

11.03.020

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11.03.021

Stanley: [Smiles] Yeah, yeah... good point. So... what can I do for you folks? [Licks his lips] Anything special?

11.03.022

Charlie: No, we should merely like to come inside. May we?

11.03.023

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Red: Actually=2C we are looking for someone called Darius. Beside that it would be nice if we could come inside. =

--_fc90759f-25ce-4036-93b2-9fd26bbdd1bf_

11.03.024

Stanley: Darius? Dwarf with one leg?

11.03.025

Charlie: Not normally, but he is rather odd so one never knows what peculiar quirks he might acquire!

11.03.026

Stanley: Well... why don't you come on in?

Alice: Because the door is closed!

[STANLEY opens the door.]

11.03.026

Austin : Dwarf with one leg? [Sighs] Seems as though everyone is shooting porno's these days!

11.03.027

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMyNg0KDQo+U3RhbmxleTogV2VsbC4uLiB3aHkgZG9uJ3QgeW91IGNv bWUgb24gaW4/DQo+DQo+QWxpY2U6IEJlY2F1c2UgdGhlIGRvb3IgaXMgY2xvc2VkIQ0KPg0KPiAg ICAgIFtTVEFOTEVZIG9wZW5zIHRoZSBkb29yLl0NCg0KRHVyOiBUaGFuayB5b3Uga2luZCBzaXIh IFtTdGVwcyBpbnNpZGUgYW5kIHNheXMgYXNpZGUgdG8gdGhlIGdyb3VwXSBXb3chIFRoYXQgcmVh bGx5IFdBUyBlYXNpZXIgdGhhbiBqdXN0IGJyZWFraW5nIGluIQ0K

11.03.028

Alice: But way less fun!

Stanley: You guys are in luck. The hotel is completely empty tonight. It should be a real nice peaceful stay... unless that storm everyone's been talking about hits... but I'm sure that's not gonna happen.

[Everyone gives a startled jump upon hearing a terrifying crack of thunder.]

Stanley: I'm pretty sure that's not gonna happen.

11.03.029

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11.03.030

[The whole room is lit up by a massive flash of lightning.]

Stanley: I wouldn't say I'm *sure*... but it's highly unlikely that the rickety bridge leading back to town will be washed away.

[A sudden and massive downpour of rain starts.]

11.03.030

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Red: [Suspiciously] How weatherproof is this place? --_5c42e696-5fc2-4886-857b-bbd1d433b3fe_

11.03.031

Charlie: [Stagily] And I find it hard to imagine that Pestilence would suddenly appear with a cask of wine and the last three months of Science and Stuff? [Waits expectantly]

11.03.032

Stanley: [To Red] It's drier than an Eskimo's coffee pot.

[A huge drop of water lands in front of the party.]

Alice: It could be worse. It could be Pestilence in a cask of wine with months of Science and Stuff!

11.03.033

Austin : Enough of the horror stories! I never get any sleep!

11.03.034

Clint: Hey, it's not like this'll be our first night spent in a crappy leaky hotel. Not that it gets any more fun with practice...

11.03.035

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Red: Think of it like outdoor camping but indoor? --_eefcb03b-eec7-4e97-8318-876cbd31db88_

11.03.036

Long: That's the spirit Clint, always look on the bright side!

Joan: [To Red] Or maybe more like pneumonia waiting to happen!

11.03.037

Charlie: [To Stanley, conversationally] Could you tell us a bit about the other guests staying here?

11.03.038

Stanley: Do you mean living ones or dead ones?

11.03.039

Austin : [Choking back his fear. Calmly] The dead ones, please, the living can wait.

11.03.040

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Red: Unless they join the dead=2C then I want to know immediately =

--_14dfb219-21c0-4603-b98f-a3335ee7da41_

11.03.041

Lat from Maikel #40

Stanley: Looks like you folks picked the ideal night to stay -- we're due to have our monthly seance tonight. [Looks Red up and down] You people are the only living guests.

[Another crack of thunder, and all the candles and torches flicker.]

11.03.042

Charlie: Oh, how exciting! I have long wanted to write an article de-bunking some aspect of junk science, such as the seance!

11.03.043

Stanley: I think the spirits will have something to say about that. [Smiles] Especially The Mother.

11.03.044

Charlie: [Gasps] The Mother?! I should like to meet her at once.

11.03.045

Stanley: And thanks to junk science, you will... [smiles] after dinner.

11.03.046

Charlie: [Shoots a warning look at Dur] Oh, but we are so excited we could not eat a bite! Why not move on to the seance right now, then?!


;;; That's my three!

11.03.047

Stanley: We need to get you settled first -- who wants the haunted ghost torture room?

11.03.048

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Red: What are the other options? --_6a784851-6c85-48ad-ba98-2121b178001f_

11.03.049

Austin : [Interest perked] Do you have a dungeon?

11.03.050

Stanley: Let's see. [Starts leafing through a book] We have the Screaming Room, the Pain Room, the Crap Room, the Scary Goat Room, the Pee Room, and the Fluffy Bunny Room. [To Austin] Of course not, what sort of place do you think this is?

[Enter PANTHONY BATES, a man naked except for socks and rubber gloves.]

Panthony: That's the dungeon cleaned! [Spots the party] Oh. Oh, we have guests! Hi there!

<P><a href=http://www.queens-view.com/wiki/index.php/Panthony_Bates>Panthony Bates</A>

11.03.051

Austin : [Checks out Panthony] Looks like it was fun?

11.03.052

Charlie: [Shields her eyes] What happened in the dungeon? Or was this just Spring cleaning?

11.03.053

Panthony: Alas, it wasn't much fun. Blood is very difficult to clean up. And yes, it was Spring cleaning, how did you know? I thought no one knew she was here?

11.03.050

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11.03.054

Stanley: Best not go near there... that damned octopus is getting downright arrogant.

11.03.055

Charlie: [To Panthony, quickly] Who, The Mother?

11.03.056

Panthony: No, Spring!

11.03.057

Clint: Look, how about you freaks show us to our rooms before Chuck here bursts?

11.03.058

Panthony: [Lights up] Cool! Which one is Chuck?

11.03.059

Clint: [Nods to indicate Charlie.] . Her. The one who looks ready to bust!

11.03.060

Panthony: We should move her to the bathroom -- more tile there, it's easier to clean.

Aldwyn: I say, sir! You keep away from my daughter!

11.03.061

Charlie: I assure you, my bladder control is superlative! [To Panthony] Do you know The Mother?

11.03.062

Panthony: Alas, no, she only speaks to Stanley.

11.03.063

Charlie: How disappointing! Is she a nice sort of mother? You know, the type to push you to be your best and insist that you complete your homework, do all the extra credit assignments available, and attend several summer camps annually to help you hone your skills in various subjects?

11.03.064

Panthony: Not really, she just keeps asking about the trope.

11.03.065

Austin : [Looks confused] Trope? What trope?

11.03.066

Stanley: No one knows. We keep asking her that question.

11.03.067

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11.03.068

Stanley: Killing them or speaking to them? [Sly smile] Or something... else!

11.03.069

Austin : All of the above and a few more that you have not thought of, I expect! [Checks his perfect nails]

11.03.070

Stanley: [Sinister grin] I doubt that.

11.03.071

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11.03.072

Austin : Perhaps she knows something about the Abyss?

11.03.073

Stanley: We don't have her body though.

Panthony: Yeah, it's not like we have Mother's body in the attic!

11.03.074

Austin : Why not? [Deadpan] The attic would be a perfectly good place for your mothers body. Is your mother 'the Mother'? Perhaps that is the trope?

11.03.075

Charlie: [To Stanley] What sorts of things does The Mother tell you, if you don't mind me asking?

11.03.076

Stanley: [To Austin] Keeping her in the attic would be crazy -- she's in the freezer in the dungeon. [To Charlie] Not a whole lot, I must admit. Mainly she asks for the trope.

11.03.077

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Red: So with The Mothers body as spring are in the dungeon? Seems a bit crowded to add a third person. How comfy is the lazy chair in the library=2C y= ou got a library don't you? --_4ad53230-dcab-4e14-85c9-a3b1851aefd3_

11.03.078

Charlie: [So.Excited.] Ooooh, do show us the library at once! I shall begin researching this [finger quotes] trope! How thrilling!!

11.03.079

Stanley: Woah there, everybody -- first off, we need to get you registered and fed. [Smiles] The survivors will be more than welcome to use the very, very comfy chairs in the library.

11.03.079

Clint: I'm pretty sure you mean for them to show you to the [finger quotes] library, Sarge. Do these guys seem like the sort who stock much more than picture books?

11.03.080

Austin : [Alarmed] The survivors of what? Registration and dinner? Why are those dangerous?

11.03.081

Stanley: [Laughs long and loud] Registration isn't dangerous.

11.03.082

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM4MQ0KDQo+U3RhbmxleTogW0xhdWdocyBsb25nIGFuZCBsb3VkXSBS ZWdpc3RyYXRpb24gaXNuJ3QgZGFuZ2Vyb3VzLg0KDQpEdXI6IFRoZW4gd2hhdCBhcmUgdGhleSBz dXJ2aXZvcnMgb2Y/IENhbiBJIHRyeSBzcGVha2luZyB3aXRoICdUaGUgTW90aGVyJz8NCg

11.03.083

Stanley: Dinner, of course! And you can try, my friend, you can try, at the seance.

11.03.084

Charlie: Well, let us get settled at once and start the seance, then! I can hardly wait to speak to The Mother!

11.03.085

Stanley: Then let's fill out some paperwork!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

11.04.001

[Book X, Act XI, Scene IV. The Suite. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and RED are here, in a large sitting room with six bedrooms off it. The parents are in a similar suite across the hall.]

Alice: Before we go for dinner, what on earth do we think is going on? Meeting our parents all together is just too much of a coincidence, isn't it?

11.04.002

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: We did kind of ignore that fact=2C but it seems distractions are always close to us. [Looks around to see what can interrupt us.] =

--_56da54a5-b150-45a2-821b-8e1d16cdb659_

11.04.003

Charlie: Indeed, I rather doubt these are truly our parents. We surely should have known if our parents knew one another in the past, do you not think? At least, Mother or Grandmother would have mentioned it.

11.04.004

Austin : Perhaps it is one of those time travel things? You know, where people don't tell you stuff in case it influences your time travel related choices?

11.04.005

Last from dom

Alice: Or maybe they told us and we forgot?

11.04.006

Charlie: Perhaps we should try to find Darius? Maybe he could help us understand where we are. [Frowns] Though typically he is not terribly helpful.

11.04.006

Dur: Or perhaps they abandoned us and were never around to tell us? What? Its not just me is it? [Eyes welling with tears] =20

11.04.007

Alice: Oh, here we go again -- always with the waterworks this one!

11.04.008

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Red: There there Dur=2C Just think about dinner! --_487f2f05-54b0-4e83-bed7-89f60f124ad8_

11.04.009

Clint: [Scowling.] I'm not sure what this meeting your parents in the past stuff means, but I sure could've done without it!

11.04.010

Austin : Perhaps this is your opportunity to reconcile with your daddy?

11.04.011

Clint: Maybe, but we've got to keep the bigger picture of why we came back here in mind! No time for family drama!

11.04.012

Alice: Maybe that is why we came back? I mean, he is super nice after all. Way nicer than you, Clint, no offence.

11.04.013

Clint: Oh sure, take his side. The man will be impossible to live with, trust me!

11.04.014

Alice: So what's the plan? Do we just go on into dinner?

11.04.015

Charlie: Goodness, no! After all that foreshadowing about our certain deaths?! We really must discreetly take a look around this horrid place and see if we can find any evidence of Darius--or information about The Mother.

11.04.016

Alice: What about our parents? Should we try to talk to them in secret before dinner?

11.04.017

Austin : Do you think we are being spied upon [Looks nervous as start searching the room for peep holes and listening devices/ hollow walls/ secret doors]

11.04.018

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: In a house like this=2C it would be weird if we weren't watched. =

--_744fe262-e55c-4e81-8a87-a183e9bd007d_

11.04.019

Alice: That painting of Stanley on the wall looks like the eyes are following us -- watch. [Moves across the room, and this does appear to be the case]

11.04.020

Austin : So they are! [Tries to poke the eyes of the painting]

11.04.020

Charlie: [Whips out a pack of post-it notes and puts one over each eye] There, that's better! [To the party, in a low voice] Very well, let us go speak to our parents and ask what brought them together!

11.04.021

[A voice from behind the painting cries out.]

Voice: Ow! Hey!

[CHARLIE covers the eyeholes.]

Alice: Is any one else really disturbed by the fact that the he's naked in the painting and his... you know what seems to be following me around? [Moves around, but this does not seem to be the case.

11.04.022

Charlie: Perhaps it is you who cannot take your eyes off of his rather appalling manhood! [To the party, in a low voice] Now, let us have a word with our fathers. [Louder] Now, let us sit quietly for a while, to prepare spiritually for the seance!

11.04.023

Alice: Uh, which is it?

11.04.024

Austin : [Does a double take at Alice] Stop looking at the penis!

11.04.025

Alice: [Unable to tear her gaze away from the painting] Huh?

11.04.026

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11.04.027

Clint: Because then we'd have to kick his ass, and it's been a really long day?

11.04.028

[DUR removes the painting, revealing three holes in the wall -- two at eye level, and one at a much lower, far more inappropriate one.]

Alice: Ew!

11.04.029

Charlie: [To the painting] You should be ashamed of yourself!

11.04.030

Austin : [Looks confused] Why?

11.04.031

Alice: Are we really going to stay here debating with a painting?

[A voice calls out from behind the painting.]

Voice: No!

11.04.032

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: Then it is decided! [Moves to another corner and signals the party to follow.] =

--_90d3616e-8a04-4210-ad38-431d776627e8_

11.04.033

Charlie: [To Dur] Do replace this painting at once. I had handled the situation with my well-placed sticky notes.

11.04.034

Alice: But were they sticky before you put them over the painting?

11.04.035

Austin : [Spraying some pepper spray through the eye holes then penis hole] I expect the Sarge's sticky notes are of the highest quality, and very, very sticky.

11.04.036

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11.04.037

Alice: Really? [Turns to Red] What's going on?


;;; Wood!

11.04.038

Charlie: [Calls out to the other Peeping Tom, behind the painting] Hellooo? Is that Stanley?

11.04.039

[No answer.]

11.04.040

Charlie: Right, well, he is not prepared to identify himself, so I suspect he is either gone or cowering somewhere! Let us join our fathers and waste no more time on this horrid pervert!

11.04.041

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: And mother! --_11093f03-e6ea-438e-964d-e279450e0033_

11.04.042

Alice: Red's right -- even the most horrid of perverts has a mother. And some even live with them!

11.04.043

Clint: Let's just hope that the perv through the wall there isn't one of the parents!

11.04.044

Austin : Well, let's go and see them. Perhaps we can sort this all out over dinner?

11.04.045

Alice: Much as it surprises me to admit this, maybe Dur has a point! How trustworthy are all of your parents? After all, one of them is Dur's father!

11.04.046

Charlie: My father is entirely trustworthy, I can assure you! [Hesitates] Though I suppose there is at least the possibility that the man claiming to be him isn't him, which throws the whole thing into question again.

11.04.046

Austin : I don't think we have a choice right now. We need to trust them to be who and what they are, but not rely on them. [Looks certain about this plan]

11.04.047

Clint: I hate to say this, but the lawyer's right. We're going to need a hand here, and better the family than these psychos here at the hotel!

11.04.048

Alice: Especially Clint's dad -- he's really nice. Way nicer than Stinky!

11.04.049

Austin : Well, one must not judge people upon their appearance. Clint's dad could have even more gruesome personal hygiene habits than Clint.

11.04.050

Charlie: [Thoughtfully] Well, his odor does not betray hygiene habits comparable to Clint's!

11.04.051

Alice: And honestly Aus, what sort of impossible hell world are you thinking of when you suggest that it's possible there's someone who smells worst than Clint?

11.04.052

Charlie: [Nods emphatically] Quite so! Now, let us go and speak with our fathers.

11.04.053

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: And mother!

3B=3B=3B Starting project today=2C project report is going to take a lot of time so I might be alittle bit silent today :< =

--_9c30a2fc-8609-4814-bbd3-f0b1b1f2027f_

11.04.054

Alice: Yes, don't forget The Mother!

[Exit ALL.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

11.05.001

[Book X, Act XI, Scene V. The Dining Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and RED are here, in a once lavish but now tired looking dining room. The weather outside is terrible, and rain crashes constantly against the window. Also here is STANLEY.]

Stanley: Can I interest anyone in a pre-dinner drink? An amuse bouche? Killing a small animal?

11.05.002

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11.05.003

Charlie: [Firmly] We shall each have only a small cup of strong tea or perhaps some water served at room temperature.

11.05.004

Stanley: [Laughs at Charlie] Good one! [To Dur] Of course, my friend -- you wanna keep it alive while eating it? It keeps it fresh!

11.05.005

Austin : Do you have any Louis XIV by any chance?

11.05.006

Stanley: We sure do -- but the last bottle was ordered by another room.

11.05.007

Charlie: [Aghast] Not the gentlemen we arrived with, surely? What a dreadful example to set for their children!

11.05.008

Austin : Now we are getting somewhere! [To Stanley] Who is in the other room?

11.05.009

Stanley: That would be the gentlemen you arrived with [smiles] they're a cool bunch!

11.05.010

Charlie: [Excited] Oh, indeed! I know at least one of them has a marvelous collection of antique carriages and a world-class library of rare and important books!

11.05.011

Count: What this tells me is that I'm right about my dad! He probably ordered the last bottle just to spite us! "It'll teach you a lesson about public intoxication, son," that sort of thing.

11.05.012

Alice: He's going to show you how to get drunk in public? Wow! That's even cooler than Charlie's collection of boring books about carriages!

11.05.013

Clint: If only! No, he likes to teach little life lessons like how it's not okay to get drunk in public, which is obviously stupid... but still cooler than Chuck's boring book collection!

11.05.014

[The door opens. Enter ALDWYN, JAKE, RUDYARD, LONG, SNO and JANE, all dressed up, and at least some smelling somewhat of alcohol.]

Jane: Thank goodness you are okay! This is a very creepy hotel.

11.05.015

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11.05.015

Charlie: [To Rudyard, in a low voice] Was your room being watched, as well?

11.05.016

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11.05.017

Jane: What a relief that she wasn't too busy ordering room service to investigate her surroundings. I suspect the calming influence of Red keeps her on the straight and narrow.


;;; No one knows -- they were too busy ordering room service!

11.05.018

Sno: [Busily scarfing down dinner, and tucking what he can't eat into his pants for later.] And they've got a fine young man in Dur to make sure they don't do anything foolish, like leave food behind!

11.05.019

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11.05.020

Jake: [To Dur, reeking of rum] Aye, and when ye are done with that, give them to me so I can light me cigar!

Charlie: [Moves away from Jake] You will do no such thing! [Primly] The minutes must be saved as part of the record.

11.05.021

Jane: Of course, but they should also be shared amongst trusted colleagues. [Casts a baleful eye over the other parents] Ah, I see.

11.05.022

Aldwyn : [To Jane] What? Shared out? Have they run out of paper in the lavatory? [To Dur] You boy! What the hell are you doing standing there, go and restock the lavatory. [Tisks]

Austin : I need a drink, does anyone have any Louis XIV left?

11.05.023

Charlie: [To Dur] Stay right where you are! [To Aldwyn, scolding] This is far too dangerous a time to split the group. And, in any case, Dur is frightened of lavatories, as you would know if you had read the owner's manual I lent you!

Jake: [Attempts to put Austin in a friendly headlock] Aye, good lad! You know what's important! I have a barrel of grog on my ship. We'll drink ourselves stupid!

11.05.024

Joan: That shouldn't take long.

11.05.024

Aldwyn : [To Charlie] Splitting the group! It's just a servant and, besides, the lavatory is en-suite! [Sighs] My, you are just like your mother, my beloved Penelope. [Sighs, and give Alice a sly wink]

Austin : [Desperately trying to keep his hair style in shape] That sounds wonderful father, [Thoughtfully] I hope there will be plenty of wenches too!

11.05.025

Alice: [Smiles at Aldwyn] Aw, thanks! Do you mind if I call you Daddy?

11.05.023

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: Just a second. [Grabs a notebook and starts flipping in it=2C mumbles] daddy issues=2C alcoholism=2C ah here! [In a normal volume=2C but very mon= otone.] Mother=2C Spring=2C seance=2C diner=2C paintings of Stanley with eyes following us=2C poking fun of someone in more than one way=2C post-it no= tes=2C a third peeping hole [cheeks flush a little bit] I don't want to talk about and something about bad stock of Louis XIV. Long: What a great record! And [To charlie] wonderful control of our safety! =

--_4e08487f-c849-4d88-a2ec-023e5e3894a5_

11.05.026

Clint: Oh, great! I'm sure he's a way better son than me!


;;; Maikel, can you make sure you have rich text turned off on your

mailer? It garbles the logger

11.05.027

Aldwyn : [To Alice, laughing] Any time!

11.05.028

Alice: [Squirms with delight] Isn't he just great?

11.05.029

Charlie: [To Alice, unconvincingly] Oh, quite. [To the others, conversationally] So, what brought all of you here? We are most surprised to see you--to say nothing of seeing you all together like this!

11.05.030

Aldwyn : [To Charlie] I am glad that my daughter approves! You are full of surprises!

Austin : [Checking his, once again, perfect hair. Smug from the neck hold camaraderie. To Charlie] It certainly seems far to unlikely to be a coincidence.

11.05.031

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11.05.032

Alice: Golden turnip? You mean, like the one we had at home?


;;; Alice is referring, of course, to the legendary Golden Turnip that

Faern Short, an ancestor of Alice,

;;; traded a priceless magical item for, ensuring the wealth of their

family but risking the entire human

;;; race in the process.

11.05.033

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11.05.033

Jake: Arr, I was after the turnip meself! [Looks at Rud, amused] Not for the same reasons, mind!

Charlie: [Disappointed] All this fuss over a rather tacky-sounding ornament?! [To Alice, quickly] No offense! I am quite sure it added grace and style to your home!

11.05.033

Austin : [To Rudyard] Firstly, I am not your 'boy'. Secondly I do not wish to be your sidekick, even though I am perfect. Thirdly I, ...

Aldwyn : [Interrupting. To Alice] You had a golden turnip at home? Where did you get it from, dam thing is worth a fortune! [Eyes up Alice's butt] Nice ass girl! [Growls]

11.05.034

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11.05.034

Sno: [Gathering all the for that Dur has not.] Wait, I thought it was a giant turnip, not a golden turnip! What use is a big metal turnip? You can't eat it!

Clint: Man, the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree!

Sno: [Excited] What apple? Where?

11.05.035

[ALICE looks around, puzzled.]

Joan: I was also trying to find the turnip, for entirely altruistic reasons. Darius was trying to help me -- he's quite a famous philanthropist, you know.

Alice: [Turns to Rud] Hey! Hands off, buddy! Charlie, no offence, but your Dad is a pig!

11.05.036

Charlie: [To Alice] He is NOT. He is a dashing hero.

Jake: [To Joan, with a snort] Darius is one of my crew, and a fine pirate he is, too!

11.05.036

Austin : I suspect that there is more than one golden turnip. [Stands back from Rudyard] What is going on?

11.05.037

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11.05.038

Clint: Haw! I bet Darius has the golden turnip and we won't be seeing him again any time soon!

11.05.039

Alice: So who else was looking for the golden turnip? Were all of you?

11.05.040

Jake: Aye, that's what I said, lassie! [Attempts to smack Alice on the ass]

Charlie: [To Jake] Do not assault my colleague in such a crude manner! She may not be a lady, but she is a human, after all.

11.05.041

Aldwyn : [To Charlie] Come now sweet pea, that is no way to talk to Alice, it makes you sound so very jealous! [Takes a covert squeeze of Alice's bum if he can]

11.05.042

Alice: [Squirms away from Aldwyn] Yeesh! It's like Phillimas all over again!

[Enter STANLEY.]

Stanley: How are you folks doing?

11.05.043

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11.05.044

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Long: How wonderful=2C a full party of people with the same goal! Red: We didn't come here for the turnip... right? --_f2cbd5a0-7862-409a-924a-3081d34c6cae_

11.05.045

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Charlie: [To Red] Indeed, we did not, though I begin to grow curious about it!

Jake: [To Stanley] Arrr, we could use more grog and a few more wenches if you have them about!

--001a1134cf8efbaa06050ee4d94d

11.05.045

Alice: No! We came here by accident!

Stanley: I'm awfully sorry to hear about the betrayal. Some tasty treats might make you feel better.

11.05.046

Austin : [To Alice] No we didn't, we were herded her like sheep! [Looks anoyed]

11.05.047

Alice: I meant here in this time!

11.05.048

Austin : So did I! Darius is behind this whole thing! Including the ironic, sheep in boxes and being arrested by shepherds, gag. [Deadpan] That was hilarious!

11.05.049

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Charlie: Yes, we really must try to understand Darius' aim in all this. [Muses] This turnip must have some sort of power.

--001a11c25d66d361d6050ee61332

11.05.050

Joan: Maybe the power was to get all of us together?

11.05.051

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Charlie: Perhaps! But to what end?

Jake: I could use a good crew! [To Joan] And you could do a bit of cookin' and cleanin' for us. What do you say?!

--001a1133161a7999de050ee657f8

11.05.052

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11.05.053

Joan: Darius was helping ME get the turnip to sell for donations to the poor! I don't know what the rest of you thought you were doing.

11.05.054

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Jake: [Snorts] Darius was never going to give it to any museum or to the poor! We were going to sell it and make a fortune!

--001a11c365b49e9fa8050ee6c3b8

11.05.054

Austin : I think eveyone is missing the point, the golden turnip was a red herring, a carrot on a stick, originally used to trick Faern Basset-Short into trading a golden turnip for the wand. [Looks around at the silent parties] The wand is the really valuable thing you see. The turnip is just a distraction. [Looks around again] Yes?

11.05.055

Sno: No, I'm pretty sure a giant turnip is a whole lot better than some old stick!

11.05.056

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11.05.057

Clint: Haw! Well said! So what are we waiting for? It can't be that hard to find someone like Darius in a place like this! [Heads for the nearest door]

11.05.058

Alice: Hey! Faern wasn't tricked, he tricked the elves into giving him it in exchange crappy old stick that tasted like sick, and was it really the same turnip? [To Aldwyn] Daddy?

11.05.060

Aldwyn : [Snapping away from, dreamily staring at Alice's cleavage] What! No, I doubt that it was the same turnip. I think that my family probably spent that turnip. How do you know what that stick tasted like?

Austin : [Sighs] Time travel. [Sulky] It was not just a stick, it was an incredibly powerful magic wand. The kind of thing that would cause or stop [Moment of realisation] the Reveals!

11.05.061

Alice: [Indignantly to Aldwyn] Not by sneaking into your study in the middle of the night, picking the lock of the safe and touching it with my tongue to feel a weird sort of electric shock, that's for gosh darn sure!

Joan: [Irritably to Austin] What are [finger quotes] the Reveals? What are you talking about? [Clicks her fingers at Stanley] Bring us some low alcohol drinks, this instant!

11.05.062

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Charlie: [To Joan] Oh, they are dreadful! They have been steadily destroying our, ah, region. [Thoughtfully] Though they DO seem to have brought us here, actually. [To the party] Where is here? Why would The Reveals bring us to this place?

--001a11c25d6644c753050ef506f4

11.05.063

Alice: They only brought us here in a roundabout way, didn't they? After all, we only came back in time to get try and give us enough time to get to where we figure one will appear.

11.05.064

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Charlie: [Looks at her notes, frowning] What?! [Laughs awkwardly] Oh, yes. I can see now there's a bit of a smudge [to Dur accusingly] that looks a bit like fish sauce. [Recovers and blusters on] And so, as I was saying, we HOPE to use these mysterious reveals to enter into an entirely new place. [In a low voice] Have any of you heard about The Mother?


;;; Sorry, Conor! My mistake! : O

--001a1133161a497b6c050ef5ba4c

11.05.065

Joan: I don't think so -- that awful man who runs the hotel seemed to think we should know who she is, but I certainly haven't heard of her.

[Enter PANTHONY, carrying a tray of drinks. His eyes are red and he is walking with his legs strangely far apart.]

Panthony: Drinks?

11.05.066

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Charlie: [To Panthony] Are you quite all right?

--089e0158b7e4c8b865050ef7b74c

11.05.067

Panthony: Fine. I have an eye infection.

11.05.068

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11.05.069

Panthony: Eye infection!

[A brief moment passes.]

Alice: Which of them are you answering?

Panthony: Both.

11.05.070

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11.05.071

Panthony: I tried to see a doctor. I was sprayed in the eyes.

11.05.072

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11.05.073

Alice: Adventure? You mean eating food?

11.05.074

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11.05.075

Joan: Even going to the toilet?


;;; Four!!

11.05.076

Clint: *Especially* going to the toilet. Gotta teach that thing who's boss!

11.05.077

Alice: That doesn't explain why you spend so much time kneeling in front of it!

11.05.078

Clint: That's why you have to teach it!

11.05.078

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11.05.079

Stanley: Dinner is [sinister smile] served...

11.05.080

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Jake: Just in time! Some of these lads might start eating their shoes! [Gives Dur and Sno a hearty whack on the back each]

Charlie: [To Stanley] And what culinary [unconvincingly] delights have you prepared for us?

--001a1133ae12190d84050f32da4a

11.05.081

Stanley: We have octopus soup, octopus ribs, octopus eggs, octopus steaks, octopus chops, a soused octopus head, complete with apple, golden honeyed octopus, jellied octopus, octopus ankles, octopus feet, crispy octopus popadoms and curried brussels octopus.

11.05.081

Austin : [To Jake] again!

Aldwyn : [To Stanley] Lead the way!

11.05.082

Sno: [Eagerly] All right! The best part about octopus is no bones, so you can just smush it into your pockets for later as much as you want!

11.05.083

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11.05.084

Alice: Do you have anything that doesn't involve octopus?

Stanley: You could try octopus, egg, sausage and octopus. That has hardly any.

11.05.084

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Charlie: At least it is passably edible. I had feared much worse!

--089e0160b9226afb33050f36ef1a

11.05.085

Austin : Indeed, cephalopods are a delicacy in many parts of the Realms.

Aldwyn : [Jovially] I have heard that Joan here is well aqcuainted with the tentacle! [Laughs out loud at his own joke] Hands everywhere, that one!

11.05.086

Joan: [Coldly] First of all, it wasn't tentacle, it was testicle, and second, as I have already told you, I did not find it amusing when you showed me yours!

11.05.087

Aldwyn : [Laughs] Oh! That was a laugh! [To the others] We were at this raging party, and giggles here [gestures to Joan] Asked for a teabag! [Laughs roaringly]

11.05.088

Alice: Aw! Just like Phillimas!

[Out come all the various octopus related foodstuffs. They all look virtually identical -- like some sort of disgusting purple mess.]

11.05.089

Sno: [Salivating.] Food's up! [Heads straight for the "food," elbowing aside anyone in his way.]

Clint: [Holding his nose and going slightly green.] If it's not now, it will be soon!

11.05.090

Austin : [Surprised at Clint] So disgusting that even Mr Scar can tell that it is awful! It looks like road kill, or boat kill? Is this some kind of joke?

11.05.091

Stanley: [Watching Sno and Dur gorging themselves on the food] Can't it be both?

11.05.092

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be both?

Charlie: [To Stanley, never even picking up a fork] Well, we are positively stuffed. Thank you for your hospitality. Now, let us have our seance!

Jake: [Eating mountains of food with relish] Quiet, woman! [To Stanley, banging the table] More grog, lad!

--089e0158b7e4b65bd3050f456bd3

11.05.093

Stanley: You got it! [Slides a massive mug along the table towards Jake]

Alice: Yoink! [Grabs the mug and takes a drink before sending it on its way] Hey! That's grog sure tastes weird. What is it?

Stanley: Mainly octopus ink.

11.05.094

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Jake: [Grabs the mug and drinks deeply] Arrrr, that hits the spot! [To Austin, shaking the mug toward him] After we eat, I'll use this ink and me dagger to give you a couple of fine tattoos!

--001a11c32cf0d1f151050f476e6a

11.05.095

Alice: It'll be super cool! You could put wise saying that is mis-spelled, they always look classy!


;;; Maikel is taking a break for a while, so please make sure you adjust your

;;; distribution lists

11.05.096

Austin : [Smiling with glee, but clearly nervous] Excellent, though I'd rather have a tattoo of a kraken or something. [To Jake] Are you good at tattooing?

11.05.097

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

Jake: [Gives Austin a friendly headlock] Never had any complaints yet!

Charlie: [To Jake] We really haven't time for that sort of thing just now, but perhaps after the seance? [To Stanley] Shall we begin??

--001a11c25d66f63312050f48e380

11.05.098

Alice: [To Jake] No survivors? Same kind of customer service as Dur, really!

Stanley: Please do -- you must be starving. [Sinister smile] You've hardly touched your octopus steak. [Gestures to a bowl of disgusting goo]

11.05.099

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM5OA0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IFtUbyBKYWtlXSBObyBzdXJ2aXZvcnM/IFNh bWUga2luZCBvZiBjdXN0b21lciBzZXJ2aWNlIGFzIER1ciwgcmVhbGx5IQ0KPg0KPlN0YW5sZXk6 IFBsZWFzZSBkbyAtLSB5b3UgbXVzdCBiZSBzdGFydmluZy4gW1NpbmlzdGVyIHNtaWxlXSBZb3Un dmUgaGFyZGx5IHRvdWNoZWQgeW91ciBvY3RvcHVzIHN0ZWFrLiBbR2VzdHVyZXMgdG8gYSBib3ds IG9mIGRpc2d1c3RpbmcgZ29vXQ0KDQpEdXI6IFdlbGwgaWYgc2hlJ3Mgbm90IGdvbm5hIGVhdCBp dC4uLltEdXIgcmVhY2hlcyBhY3Jvc3MgYW5kIHN0dWZmcyBhcyBtdWNoIG9mIENoYXJsaWUncyBm b29kIGludG8gaGlzIG1vdXRoIGFzIGhlIGNhbi4gVGhlIGxlZnRvdmVycyBnby4uLiB3ZWxsIHlv dSBrbm93IV0gDQoNClJ1ZHlhcmQ6IEVycnIuLi4uIHJpZ2h0LiBbQ2xlYXJseSBkaXNndXN0ZWRd IEF0dGEgYm95IFNubywgZGlzcG9zZSBvZiB0aGlzIHJlZnVzZSBhcyBxdWlja2x5IGFzIHBvc3Np YmxlIFtSZXdhcmRzIFNubyB3aXRoIGEgc2hpbnkgY29wcGVyIHBpZWNlXSANCg0KRHVyOiBbU3By YXlpbmcgb2N0b3B1cyBiaXRzIGV2ZXJ5d2hlcmVdIEhleSB3aHkgaXMgaGlzIHNoaW55PyENCg0K UnVkeWFyZDogRWFzeSBsYWQuIFBlcmhhcHMgb25lIGRheSB5b3Ugd2lsbCByaXNlIHRvIGxldmVs IG9mIHNlcnZhbnRob29kIGFzIFNuby4gRm9yIG5vdywgeW91IGFyZSBzdGlsbCBhbiBhbWF0ZXVy LiANCg

11.05.100

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

much of Charlie's food into his mouth as he can. The leftovers go... well as Sno. For now, you are still an amateur.

Charlie: [Beams at Rudyard] You are so kind and just to the lesser among us!

Jake: [Pats his stomach appreciatively] What a fine feast! [Takes out a gleaming, sharp dagger, examines the tip, and then dips it in inky grog] Now, this should do for that tattoo! [To Austin] What'll be, lad?

--001a11c32cf4fd8c75050f498eb6

11.05.101

Austin : [Casually lancing round for an escape] Errm, what are the best you have to offer?

11.05.102

Clint: Infected, it looks like! But don't worry, later, Due can take care of that blood poisoning, no problem!

11.05.103

Alice: By take care of, do you mean cause?

11.05.103

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care of that blood poisoning, no problem!

Jake: [To Austin] Everything you could ever want! [Pushes up a sleeve to reveal an elaborate and beautifully executed tattoo of a naked woman with flaming nipples and snakes for hair straddling an anchor] How about that beauty?! [Starts to unbutton his pants] Got one of a massive cannon, too!

--089e0149396a5cbf33050f4b7c36

11.05.104

Joan: That's quite enough of that, thank you! We have all seen it.

Long: It is really great, Jake. Massive!

11.05.105

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Charlie: [Shields her eyes] Do put that away! We have a seance to conduct!

Jake: [Buttoning his pants with a laugh. To Austin] Want to see the rest, or do you know what you want already?

--001a11349868c5936d050f5a6f3a

11.05.106

Austin : [To Jake, hiding his nerves] Well, how about an Octopus? [Carefully takes of his jacket and shirt, folding them neatly] On my upper right arm?

11.05.107

Alice: Oh, boy! This is gonna be great! How about you put an inspirational quote too? That way you won't remember really important things! [Writes something on a piece of paper] Here!

[The paper reads "Smagerune, belure and malce it hapeaend."]


;;; The inspiration?

<P><a href=http://cheezburger.com/6153797632>Smagerune tattoo</A>

11.05.108

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Charlie: [Squints at the paper, uncomprehending] Is it some sort of pirate saying?

Jake: [To Austin, patting him on the back] Arrr, a great big octopus with eight well-built lassies wrapped in his tentacles! [Inspired] And they can each hold a flaming skull!

--001a11c25d66f8bf20050f5cfdbb

11.05.109

Alice: It says Imagine, Believe and [squints] well, something cool!

Red: [Disgusted] Don't do this Austin -- think about the seance! Won't someone please think of the seance?

11.05.110

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxMDkNCg0KPkFsaWNlOiBJdCBzYXlzIEltYWdpbmUsIEJlbGlldmUg YW5kIFtzcXVpbnRzXSB3ZWxsLCBzb21ldGhpbmcgY29vbCENCj4NCj5SZWQ6IFtEaXNndXN0ZWRd IERvbid0IGRvIHRoaXMgQXVzdGluIC0tIHRoaW5rIGFib3V0IHRoZSBzZWFuY2UhIFdvbid0IHNv bWVvbmUgcGxlYXNlIHRoaW5rIG9mIHRoZSBzZWFuY2U/DQoNCkR1cjogT2suIEknbSB0aGlua2lu ZyBhYm91dCBpdC4gTm93IHdoYXQ/IA0KDQpSdWR5YXJkOiBFYXN5IHRoZXJlIEpha2UuIFBlcmhh cHMgd2UgU0hPVUxEIHByZXNzIG9uIHdpdGggdGhlIHPDqWFuY2UgZmlyc3Q/IFdobyBrbm93cywg cGVyaGFwcyB0aGUgZ2hvc3Qgd2lsbCBpbnNwaXJlIGFuIGV2ZW4gZ3JlYXRlciB0YXR0b28gZm9y IHlvdT8NCg

11.05.111

Joan: Agreed. If you people stopped acting like idiots for a few moments, you would see this for the waste of time that it is.

11.05.112

Clint: [Haughtily] Watching the lawyer get the world's worst tattoo is not a waste of time. But yeah, he can make that mistake later. Let's get this seance started!

11.05.113

Joan: Quite so. Now, why don't you and your little friends wait outside?

11.05.114

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Charlie: [To Joan] What [finger quotes] little friends? Are you referring to our party?

Jake: [Cleans off his dagger. To Austin] After the seance, my boy!

--001a11c32cf4740632050f5ed1df

11.05.115

Joan: Yes, do you need me to write it down in your notebook for you? Don't worry, I'll use small words so [gestures to Alice] can read it.

11.05.116

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxMTUNCg0KPkpvYW46IFllcywgZG8geW91IG5lZWQgbWUgdG8gd3Jp dGUgaXQgZG93biBpbiB5b3VyIG5vdGVib29rIGZvciB5b3U/IERvbid0IHdvcnJ5LCBJJ2xsIHVz ZSBzbWFsbCB3b3JkcyBzbyBbZ2VzdHVyZXMgdG8gQWxpY2VdIGNhbiByZWFkIGl0Lg0KDQpSdWR5 YXJkOiBbU2xpZ2h0bHkgZXhhc3BlcmF0ZWRdIFNsb3cgZG93biB3b21hbi4gVGhlIHN0cmF0ZWd5 IGhlcmUgY2FsbHMgZm9yIHN0cmVuZ3RoIGluIG51bWJlcnMgc28gdGhleSBzaG91bGQgc3RheSwg anVzdCBpbiBjYXNlLiBVbmxlc3MgW1N1c3BpY2lvdXNseV0gdGhlcmUgaXMgaW5mb3JtYXRpb24g eW91IGRvbid0IHdhbnQgdGhlbSB0byBoZWFyPw0K

11.05.116

Clint: Are you sure you don't know a nun named Chastity? You have her same winning personality!

11.05.117

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same winning personality!

Charlie: [To Joan, scoffing] You did see the tattoo she designed, did you not? You really think she would even attempt to read my notes?! [Growing more outraged] And, furthermore, we will ALL be joining the seance. [To Stanley] Now, let us begin! [Claps her hands] Chop chop!

--001a11c365b46b2d3a050f5f1fb0

11.05.112

Austin : [Sighs, hiding his relief] Okay, we should do the Seaance first! [To Jake] We can do this later, but no inspirational, or otherwise, quote, they are really tacky, and so very last year. [Gets dressed again]

11.05.118

Austin : [To Charile] Good work Sarge, keep them in line!

Aldwyn : It was a fine tattoo design, sweetheart, probably not your field of expertise!

11.05.119

Alice: Hey! Is she criticising MY tattoo design? No way! This seance can wait while we get this sorted out once and for all!

Stanley: Right, we can do the seance in the next room.

Alice: No! No one's leaving until this gets resolved.

[Exit ALL but ALICE.]

Alice: I'm not coming!

[Time passes.]

Alice: Oh, okay, then, I'm coming, but I'm not happy!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

11.06.001

[Book IX, Act XI, Scene VI. The Seance Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, RED, ALDWYN, JAKE, RUDYARD, LONG, SNO, JOAN, STANLEY and PANTHONY are here, sitting around a table with a ouija board on it.]

Stanley: Is there anyone that you would like to... communicate with?

11.06.002

Clint: Well, Charlie really wants to talk to the Mother... I'd settle for a good debunker!

11.06.003

Stanley: Let's see who's there....

[He places a glass on the board. It immediately spells out T - R - O - P - E.]

11.06.004

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMzDQoNCj5TdGFubGV5OiBMZXQncyBzZWUgd2hvJ3MgdGhlcmUuLi4u DQo+DQo+ICAgICAgIFtIZSBwbGFjZXMgYSBnbGFzcyBvbiB0aGUgYm9hcmQuIEl0IGltbWVkaWF0 ZWx5IHNwZWxscyBvdXQgVCAtIFIgLSBPIC0gUCAtIEUuXQ0KDQpEdXI6IFtDbGVhcmx5IHN0cnVn Z2xpbmcgdG8gcmVtZW1iZXJdIEhtbW1tLi4uLiB3aHkgZG9lcyB0aGF0IG1lc3NhZ2Ugc291bmQg c28gZmFtaWxpYXI/DQo

11.06.005

Joan: You idiot! That's what Stanley told us when we arrived!

11.06.006

Sno: [Quavering a little.] Hey! Go easy on the kid! He hasn't had a proper meal in minutes!

11.06.006

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM1DQoNCj5Kb2FuOiBZb3UgaWRpb3QhIFRoYXQncyB3aGF0IFN0YW5s ZXkgdG9sZCB1cyB3aGVuIHdlIGFycml2ZWQhDQoNCkR1cjogW05vdyBsb29raW5nIHRob3VnaHRm dWxdIE1tbWhtbSwgbW1obW0uIEJ1dCB3aGF0IGRvZXMgaXQgTUVBTj8NCg

11.06.007

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Charlie: [To Stanley] Oh, do ask her what is [finger quotes] trope?

--089e0158b79ce1b279050f61219d

11.06.008

[The glass moves again, T - R - O - P - E.]

Alice: It's not trope, it's troop. [Looks around] Isn't it?

11.06.009

Austin : Good point, the ghost might be as literate as Alice.

11.06.010

Alice: Aw! [Smiles] Thanks Aus!

11.06.011

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Charlie: [To Stanley, eagerly] Ask her about The Abyss!

--001a11c365b4273207050f6fd2a1

11.06.012

Stanley: What about the Abyss?

[W - H - A - T - A - B - O - U - T - I - T]

11.06.013

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Charlie: What is [uncomfortably] her purpose?

--089e0160b922104982050f700121

11.06.014

[N - O - T - A - P - E - R - S - O - N.]

Alice: What the heck is Notaperson?

11.06.015

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Charlie: [Thrilled] I knew it! What is the Abyss?!

--089e0158b7e4a0c0ba050f70a89f

11.06.016

Last from heather 15

[T - R - O - P - E. ]

11.06.016

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8


;;; That was my three, I'm afraid!

On Thu, Feb 19, 2015 at 1:26 PM, <conor.r@gmail.com> wrote:

--001a1133161a3ebfc3050f712b33

11.06.017

Dur: Where can we find this 'trope'?

11.06.018

Austin : Is T.R.O.P.E an acronym for something?

11.06.019

Alice: It's not a trope, it's a troop!

[H - E - R - E.]

11.06.020

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Charlie: [Astonished] Where?! In this room??

--001a1133161ac23e23050f72b5c6

11.06.020

Austin : You are in a place called TROPE, or a place that has the acronym T.R.O.P.E?

Aldwyn : Dam tricky blighter this spirit wench! Keen on word games [Ponders] Just like my wife!


;;;QVA web pages down?

11.06.021

[Y - E - S.]

Alice: Er, who's she answering?


;;; Looks like it! Thanks for letting me know

11.06.022

Clint: Is trope a collective thing, like "we are trope?"

11.06.023

[Y - E - S.]

11.06.023

Austin : No silly! The place she is, is called Trope, or perhaps more likely it is an acronym, for example 'The Realm Of Pleasant Elves', not there is any such thing of course! [Sighs. To the spirit (the air)] So, does the 'T' stand for 'The'?

11.06.024

[NO.]

11.06.025

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMyNA0KDQo+ICBbTk8uXQ0KDQpSdWR5YXJkOiBXaGF0IGRvZXMgdGhl IGFjcm9ueW0gc3RhbmQgZm9yPyANCg0KRHVyOiBCYWghIFdlIGFyZW4ndCBnZXR0aW5nIGFueXdo ZXJlIGxpa2UgdGhpcyEgW0R1ciB0cmllcyB0byBjYXN0IFNQRUFLIFdJVEggREVBRCB0byBzZWUg aWYgaGUgY2FuIGdldCBzb21lIGRpcmVjdCBhbnN3ZXJzXQ0K

11.06.026

Austin : So it was troop, or troupe, but she can't spell? [Looks puzzled] That was not a fun game!

11.06.027

Alice: That IS how you spell troop - T - R - O - P - E, right?

[YES. Meanwhile, DUR casts his spell, although there is no obvious response.]

11.06.028

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMyNw0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IFRoYXQgSVMgaG93IHlvdSBzcGVsbCB0cm9v cCAtIFQgLSBSIC0gTyAtIFAgLSBFLCByaWdodD8NCj4NCj4gICAgIFtZRVMuIE1lYW53aGlsZSwg RFVSIGNhc3RzIGhpcyBzcGVsbCwgYWx0aG91Z2ggdGhlcmUgaXMgbm8gb2J2aW91cyByZXNwb25z ZS5dDQoNCkR1cjogSGVsbG8/IFNwaXJpdD8gQ2FuIHlvdSB0YWxrIGRpcmVjdGx5IHRvIG1lPw0K

11.06.029

[I - A - M - N - O - T - D - E - A - D.]

11.06.030

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Jake: Why do they call you The Mother?

--001a11c32cf0f0b265050f745936

11.06.031

Stanley: Because this is The Mother, [looks up] right?

[YES.]

11.06.032

Austin : [Puzzled] Are you or were you once called Alice?

11.06.033

[YES.]

11.06.034

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

Charlie: [Looks at Alice] Alice?! Are you doing this?

--001a11c365b4d6a702050f8202f9

11.06.035

Alice: No! I'm pretty sure that if I was dead, I'd know about it!

Joan: Really? [To the air] Is this really Alice?

[YES. Pause. NO.]

11.06.036

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Charlie: Yes and no, perhaps? [To the board] Are you Alice from another time?

--089e0158b79c9dddcd050f825964

11.06.037

[W - E - A - R.]

11.06.038

Austin : Once was Alice, but now different?

11.06.039

[E - A - L - L - H - E - R - E]

11.06.040

Austin : [Shocked] We are all the mother?

11.06.041

[YES.]


;;; Den den deeeeeen!

11.06.042

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Charlie: [Aghast] Then why is our spelling so atrocious?!


;;; Nice translating, Dom! : )

--001a11c32cf4718d2d050f8393bb

11.06.043

[H - A - Y.]

11.06.044

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Charlie: [To Alice, appalled] I am getting you another dictionary for Philimas! [To The Mother, urgently] What is our purpose, as The Mother?

--001a11c365b44e8b1c050f83a179

11.06.045

[S - A - V - E - T - H - E - W - O - R - L - D.]

Alice: I knew it! Us and our parents together, saving the world!

[NO.]

11.06.046

Austin : Just the Queens View Party become the Mother to save the world?

11.06.046

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

Jake: What are we supposed to do, then?

--047d7b5db812651e1a050f865c7b

11.06.047

Aldwyn : Help our children, my old fellow, I am sure there will be plenty of world saving to go round!


;;; afk, back Monday

11.06.048

Alice: Right as always, Daddy! Our parents are bound to help us, right?

[T - R - A - I - T - O - R.]

11.06.049

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM0OA0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IFJpZ2h0IGFzIGFsd2F5cywgRGFkZHkhIE91 ciBwYXJlbnRzIGFyZSBib3VuZCB0byBoZWxwIHVzLCByaWdodD8NCj4NCj4gICAgIFtUIC0gUiAt IEEgLSBJIC0gVCAtIE8gLSBSLl0NCg0KUnVkeWFyZDogW0V5ZXMgbmFycm93aW5nXSBJcyBzaGUg aW5kaWNhdGluZyB0aGVyZSBpcyBhIHRyYWl0b3IgYW1vbmcgdXM/DQo

11.06.050

[Thunder and lightening crash outside, causing everyone to jump and the candles to flicker. The glass moves to YES.]

11.06.051

Sno: Do you know who it is? Not Dur though, I'm sure of that!

11.06.052

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

Jake: Traitor, eh?! [Glares at Stanley] What do YOU have to say for yourself, stranger?!

--089e0158b79c0b07ac050f86e050

11.06.053

Long: It's not him, Jakey -- I think I know who it is!

[Another crack of thunder, and the candles go out. The room is plunged into darkness.]

Alice: Ow! Hey! That's my ass!

[STANLEY lights another candle. Everyone is sitting where they were, but LONG has a dagger in his heart.]

11.06.054

Clint: [Staring.] Dad!


;;; Well, that's one I wasn't expecting!

11.06.055

TGFzdCBmcm9tIFRvbSAjNTQNCg0KPkNsaW50OiBbU3RhcmluZy5dIERhZCENCg0KRHVyOiBbU3Rh cnRsZWRdIFVtbW1tLi4uLi4gTm93IHdoYXQgaGFwcGVucyB0byBDbGludD8gDQoNCg0KDQo

11.06.058

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something!

Charlie: [To Red] Dur is no such thing! [To Clint, rushing to Long] Perhaps he is still alive!

--001a11349868a99cc4050f88200c

11.06.059

Joan: Is there a doctor here?

Alice: Oooh! Good point -- let's make sure that Dur doesn't get near him!

[Alas, LONG is no more.]

11.06.056

Red: What? You wanna kill him too, do you? Murderer!

11.06.057

Clint: [Gaping.] I, uh, hope I don't just fade out of existence or something!

11.06.060

Clint: [Wipes away a single manly tear.] And to think I never got to tell him how I really felt about the man! [Straightens up.] When I figure out who's responsible for this, that person's in for a *world* of hurt! [Looks around for clues.]

11.06.062

Austin : [Looks alarmed at the dagger in Long's chest] Is one of the Queens View Party a traitor?


;;;; does Austin recognise the dagger?

11.06.064

[No answer to either.]

Joan: How do we know that you people are who you say you are?

11.06.063

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Charlie: [Asks the board] Is this man, Rudyard [points at Rudyard, my father?

--001a1133ae12459faf050fbfcd61

11.06.061

Alice: [To the air] Who's the traitor?

[No response.]

11.06.065

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

Charlie: [Uncomfortably] I don't know! [Inspired] Wait! [To Rudyard] What did your great-grandfather's school mates call him?!

--001a11c32cf4805738050fc178a2

11.06.066

Rudyard: Stiffy Kensington!

[Cue several sniggers from the dinner table.]

Rudyard: On account of his trick knee!

11.06.067

Austin : [Gets up and goes to check Long's vital signs if he can] Errm, someone just killed Long, someone in this room. [Looks very worried] He obviously knew who the traitor was, did he mention any concerns to anyone else? [Searches Long for clues]

11.06.068

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11.06.069

[LONG doesn't seem to have anything unusual on him. However, his voice sounds out, quite faint, but audible.]

Long: I'm speaking from [scary voice] beyond the graaaaave! Seriously, though, nice spell casting, and, whoever stabbed me, that was one effective thrust. I didn't even see it coming.

11.06.070

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11.06.071

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though, nice spell casting, and, whoever stabbed me, that was one effective

Charlie: [To Long, urgently] Isn't there anything you can tell us?!

--089e0160b922ffdce7050fc2b890

11.06.072

Lat from Heather #71

Long: I think it's one of the parents!

11.06.072

Clint: Yeah, like am I going to never have been born, that kind of thing? Also who the traitor is so I can kick the right person's ass!

11.06.073

[Another flash of lightning the lights go out again. A girlish scream deafens everyone... moments later, the lights come back on.]

Stanley: What happened? Is everyone okay?

11.06.074

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11.06.075

Alice: Dur! [Goes to check him out] He's dead!

11.06.076

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Charlie: [Horrified, rushes to Dur] NO! [To the party, sword at the ready, watching the parents] Mr. Scar, please pick up Dur, and let us all leave here at once, before anyone else is attacked!!

--001a1135e3d282b9f9050fc480a2

11.06.077

Stanley: You can't leave!

11.06.078

Austin : [Readies his slingshot] Why not? I think the Health and Safety inspectors might have a thing or two to say about this hotel!

11.06.079

Stanley: Well, for a start we haven't even started serving dessert yet! Or coffee! Or fruit!

[PANTHONY whispers something to STANLEY.]

Stanley: Okay, well, there's no dessert or fruit, but there's coffee!

[PANTHONY whispers something more to STANLEY, who looks disappointed.]

Stanley: Aw, man! How many of you wanted coffee?

11.06.080

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11.06.081

Stanley: Even if none of you want coffee, the weather is too bad to leave! The rickety bridge has washed away, and anyway, we had to put the roads away because the rain is so bad.

11.06.082

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM4MQ0KDQo+U3RhbmxleTogRXZlbiBpZiBub25lIG9mIHlvdSB3YW50 IGNvZmZlZSwgdGhlIHdlYXRoZXIgaXMgdG9vIGJhZCB0byBsZWF2ZSEgVGhlIHJpY2tldHkgYnJp ZGdlIGhhcyB3YXNoZWQgYXdheSwgYW5kIGFueXdheSwgd2UgaGFkIHRvIHB1dCB0aGUgcm9hZHMg YXdheSBiZWNhdXNlIHRoZSByYWluIGlzIHNvIGJhZC4NCg0KUnVkeWFyZDogRXZlbiBpZiB0aGF0 IGlzIHRoZSBjYXNlLCBhdCBsZWFzdCB3ZSBjb3VsZCBmZW5kIG9mIGFueW1vcmUgc3VycHJpc2Ug YXR0YWNrcyENCg

11.06.083

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leave! The rickety bridge has washed away, and anyway, we had to put the surprise attacks!

Jake: Attaboy, Rud! A little rain never did a pirate any harm! [To Austin] Come on, lad! [Tries to exit]

--001a11c32cf4f27268050fc4f23d

11.06.084

Sno: [Wailing.] My son! He was gonna make the family so proud of him!

11.06.085

[JAKE opens a large french window, but the weather outside is ferocious. Rain lashes in and thunder and lightning crash around.]

Stanley: It's too wild outside! We need to find out who did these awful things!

11.06.086

Aldwyn : [Drawing his sword. To Stanley] ANd how do we know that it was not you?

11.06.087

Joan: [Draws her sword] Good point! How do we know it wasn't you?

Stanley: Because I never met you people before tonight! Besides, look at this face, do you really think I'd be capable of such a vile act? [Gives a guilty and creepy smile]

Alice: Well, frankly, yes!

11.06.088

Austin : Yes.

Aldwyn : Yes!

11.06.089

Stanley: Hey!

Panthony: Come on, Stanley, you are kind of creepy. I mean, look at your dead fly collection!

[STANLEY takes a small wooden box out of his pocket and looks at it, before putting it back.]

Stanley: Okay, fair enough, but that doesn't mean I'm a murderer. If I wanted to kill someone, I'd have used poison.

Alice: [Spitting out a mouthful of octopus] Did you?

Stanley: Maybe.

11.06.090

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Charlie: [Tending to Dur, suddenly excited] Wait! Dur isn't dead! [Tries to shake Dur] Wake up! Tell us who did this to you!

--001a1133f1d0c9b401050fd44fca

11.06.091

[DUR is out cold.]

Alice: Splash some octopus juice in his face!

11.06.092

Austin : Run off with his sandwich!

11.06.093

Alice: But it's been in his underpants, Aus, his underpants!

11.06.094

Austin : It's okay! If Sno is not up for it then I don't see why anyone else should be!

11.06.095

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Charlie: Perhaps we should try to investigate Long's stabbing? [To everyone] Show me your hands at once!

--089e0115fe4276a862050fd621e7

11.06.096

Joan: This is preposterous! Surely the murderer has already cleaned their hands?

Alice: Here are mine! [Shows off her clean hands and badly bitten fingernails]

11.06.097

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fingernails]

Charlie: [Shows her clean hands] There has been next to no opportunity for hand-washing!

Jake: [Shows his surprisingly well-manicured hands] Arrr, this investigation is getting a bit stale! [Picks up a tankard of octopus oil] I say let's get back to the tattoos!

--001a11c365b4f46476050fd6c8e1

11.06.097

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11.06.098

Sno: [Shows off his filthy but not bloody hands before reaching into Dur's underpants to steal his sandwich.] Yoink! You know, I heard that awful woman talking to Darius about the turnip just before you guys showed up. I bet she's in cahoots with him. Cahoots, I tell you!

Clint: [Shows off his... sorta vaguely clean hands.] Well? How 'bout it, woman?


;;; I seem to bring standards of cleanliness down a touch...

11.06.099

Joan: [Shows her perfectly clean hands] What awful woman? Jake? Because I saw him discussing something in private with Darius, just before the robbery went horribly wrong.

11.06.100

Clint: [To Jake.] And who did you see discussing things in private with Darius, hmm?

11.06.101

Austin : [Inspects his perfect nails, and clean hands] Perhaps we can take fingerprints from the dagger? We have plenty of ink, and I am sure the sarge will have an ample supply of paper?

11.06.102

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Charlie: [Super excited] I do have paper! Ever so much! [Hands Austin a huge stack of clean paper]

Jake: [To Clint, shrugging] Nobody! [To Stanley and Panthony] Let's see your hands, lads!

--001a1133ae123c8836050fd902be

11.06.103

[They both oblige. Both are covered in blood and octopus ink.]

11.06.104

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Jake: [Intrigued] Have you been tattooing each other?

Charlie: [Horrified, to Stanley and Panthony] Did you stab Long?!

--001a11349868fded79050fe6e1b0

11.06.105

Panthony: No!

Stanley: Who's Long?

11.06.106

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Charlie: [Points to Long] Him! Did you?!

--001a113464de177b2a050fea6675

11.06.107

Stanley: No! I didn't stab Long! Why would I? He was one of my best friends!

11.06.108

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11.06.109

Panthony: They're always bloody!!

11.06.110

Austin : Who's blood is it?

11.06.111

Stanley: Dave, it's Dave's!

Alice: Who the hell is Dave?

Panthony: He was an octopus.

11.06.112

Austin : [Suspicious] I think they are lieing

11.06.112

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Charlie: Then who attacked Long? [Points to Long] This is hardly a suicide!

--001a1134730e1fee1e050febb2ac

11.06.113

Austin : [Examines the dagger for prints] hmmm...

11.06.114

[Alas, the technology available to the party is not good enough to extract fingerprints in any sort of meaningful way.]

Alice: [To the party] It was surely one of [points at the parents] them, wasn't it?

11.06.115

Clint: Well it sure wasn't one of us! I'd never do something like that!

11.06.116

[An awkward silence passes.]

Alice: You know, it's getting late -- why don't we head back to our room and see if we can figure out what's going on? You know, away from [whispers] them.

11.06.117

Austin : And what do we do with the [gestures to the corpses] dearly beloved? [Takes several napkins and carefully removes the dagger from Long.

11.06.118

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Charlie: [Goes to pick up Long] We shall take him with us, to give him a proper burial later! [To Sno] He can stay in your room.

--089e0160b9225f95f4050ffbffb6

11.06.119

Alice: [Watching Sno lick his lips] You sure that's such a good idea, Charlie?

Stanley: We can keep him in the cellar with the other bodies.

[PANTHONY quickly shakes his head.]

Stanley: [Smiles] I mean, let's put him in the kitchen. There's no body there. I mean, there's nobody there.

11.06.120

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Charlie: [Scolding] Very well, we shall put him in the kitchen, but he had better be there when we wake up!

--001a1134730ecb052e050ffd72de

11.06.121

Austin : [Casually to Stanely] So how many bodies are there in the cellar?

11.06.122

Stanley: Humans? [Shrugs] Idunno.

[STANLEY and PANTHONY pick up LONG.]

Stanley: Why don't we all meet for breakfast? We'll have something tasty lined up.

11.06.123

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Jake: [Enthusiastically] More octopus?

--001a1133161a480c42050fffb546

11.06.124

Stanley: Sure!

11.06.125

Sno: Say, all this fior talk is making me hungry! [Shrugs and eats Dur's sandwich. ยก

11.06.126

Alice: Let's get out of here before he tells us what fior talk is!

[Exit ALL, moving quickly!]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

11.07.001

[Book X, Act XI, Scene VII. The Suite. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, and DUR are here. DUR is slowly coming to.]

Alice: I can't believe one of your parents killed Long! And hit Dur! [Thinks] Okay, well, I can believe that, but still... Long!

11.07.002

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Charlie: [Sniffs] Well, it certainly isn't MY father. The Parker-Kensingtons are known for their cool heads and mild temperaments!

--001a1134d24c2890c305100dac6f

11.07.003

Alice: Like when you stabbed Pestilence through the heart?

11.07.004

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Charlie: [Indignantly] Well, he HAD just hacked Daddy to death with my great-grandfather's axe, after all! [In a low voice] Though probably we should keep that to ourselves!


;;; Yes, yes, I know she should have said

;;; "Sure didn't, thought it was upsetting!"

--089e0115fe425009b705100ec224

11.07.005

Alice: [Also in a low voice] In case we need to kill him?


;;; Boom boom!

11.07.006

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11.07.007

Austin : We should sneak into the kitchen and get Dur to cast speak with dead on Long again.

11.07.008

Clint: Worth a shot. Doc, you think you can focus enough in the kitchen for us to do that?

11.07.009


;;; Dur has no idea who hit him!

Alice: There are some problems with that, Stinky! Surely we can't expect Dur to focus on anything when he's that close to food!

11.07.010

Clint: [Nodding] That's kind of what I was getting at, Bimbo! Maybe we can sneak into the kitchen and swipe my dad's body for him?

11.07.011

Alice: Ew! You want him to eat your Dad?

11.07.011

Quoting Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>:

Clint: To speak to, I mean, not to eat!

11.07.012

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Charlie: [To Alice] Do be serious! Dur is hardly a cannibal! [In a low voice] But just to be safe, Mr. Scar can keep him in a headlock.

--001a1133ae12e23884051013ad2b

11.07.013

Alice: Is he really going to be able to cast another spell so quickly?


;;; Gone for the weekend!